Monday, June 27, 2011

Trollin' at Fairy Fest

My life is complete. This past weekend I was a troll for about 4 hours. I can die happy now!

We've never looked hotter than as trolls.
Each year, in a neighboring town, a Fairy Fest occurs. Even though I participated this year, I'm still not exactly sure what it is. All I know is that I was a troll, there were a bunch of people dressed up as fairies, and there was a fairy queen, who you could have tea with. The kids got a treasure map and could look for loot at various points. You could also get henna done, your face-painted, and even have your picture taken with this creepy Jack Sparrow wanna-be.
Still rockin' our sexiness.
My job as a troll entailed nothing more than standing by a bridge and scaring little kids. Yesssss! The BFF rocked it. She's got this English, witchy voice that she uses when telling kids she will eat them. There were at least 20 kids that were truly scared ... a handful of them cried. Hells yes!!
The Fairy Dogmother

This is NOT the Jack Sparrow wanna-be.
All in all, I enjoyed being a troll. I didn't think I would, but once I put on my troll costume, I realized I looked good. Really good ... I would totally be a troll again.

Thursday, June 23, 2011

The Rumor Mill

This afternoon, I learned that there is a rumor churning about me ... Basically, the rumor is that I'm pregnant. Yeah ... pregnant.

Um. WTF?

If the pregnancy rumor wasn't bad enough, the other part of it is that I got married "unexpectedly" because I'm pregnant.

Ahhhhh. Seriously, WTF?

Ok, first, I'm not pregnant. There is no baby in this belly. Second, I would never have gotten married for the sole reason of being pregnant. That's not how my brain works. I make decisions based off of how something would benefit me. After years of calculation, I finally determined marriage would indeed be beneficial to me: future schooling is free, health insurance purposes, I wanted half of Mason's retirement, I got $10 off my car insurance each month ... You see? Marriage = financially good things. Oh yeah, and I love Mason too ... So it all worked out.

Anyway, to the rumor starters, please start a new rumor about me that does not involve babies. The pregnancy thing sends a cold shiver up my spine. And, I have a major fear of pooping while giving birth so the likelihood of me giving birth is very slim.  I would be happy with any rumors involving me as a serial killer, gambling addict, transvestite, or a plus size model. Thanks!

Tuesday, June 21, 2011

Happy Summer Solstice!

Wicked thunderstorm brewing on the longest day of the year

 "Whatever is dreamed on this night, will come to pass." - William Shakespeare

Monday, June 20, 2011

Sighting


My Gram and Aunt have been in town visiting and, yesterday, as we were shopping, they spotted this oddly shaped tree trunk. It is eerily reminscent of someone I know!!!!! Um, that'd be Jesus! It's the mother-freakin' Jesus Tree. There was some debate about whether this tree was actually Jesus, a person praying, the Virgin Mary or perhaps an angel. But, I've concluded it is most definitely Jesus.

And, here's why. In my extensive Internet research on Jesus images, I've found that Jesus loves to raise his arms. See? This historical photo below shows an arms-raised-Jesus looking at an angel. Notice the head tilt backwards, which also correlates with the head tilt of the Jesus Tree.


Oh, here we go again with the arms raised, head tilt. Google Jesus. You will find hundreds, perhaps thousands of these historically accurate pictures.


Ok, now we have some close-ups of Jesus. These are important because they show Jesus with long, wavy hair. You'll notice that the shape of the tree above is depicting someone with long hair ... (hmmmmmmmm, Jesus perhaps???)


OMG! Scary picture of Jesus! But, even the freaky Jesus' have long, wavy hair. Again, google Jesus. He is never pictured with a buzz cut.

After my exhaustive research into Jesus, I think it is safe to say that, at the very least, the man loved to raise his arms, look at the sky and he definitely had long hair with a relaxed perm. That tree is Jesus and you freakin' know it.

(You can visit the Jesus Tree by going to Parkersburg, West Virginia. Parking at JoAnn Fabrics gives you an ideal viewing point. Enjoy.)

Thursday, June 16, 2011

The Wolf Pack


Well, we were not winners at Redneck Bingo this week - the BFF won $200 last week!!! - but we did have fun! Sadly, the old man bingo caller, with the liver spotted fingers, did not call out the right numbers this week. Ugh.

Oh well. Redneck Bingo always makes a bad day into a good one ... regardless of whether you win.

We march on, people. We march on.

Tuesday, June 14, 2011

Obviously,


I did not like the banana chips!

Monday, June 13, 2011

Sunday, June 12, 2011

Paid in Full & Goodbyes


I mowed the pastor's lawn. HELL. It was pure hell. That's to be expected, though, considering it was maybe the fourth time it's been mowed since the end of April when, ya know, grass started growing and needed to be cut weekly. But, anyway. It's done. I paid the dues for my wedding!

When I was taking a break from mowing, Albert came stomping down the alleyway. Yeah, Albert! Remember him? He's been MIA for awhile.

This was our conversation:

Albert: I RUNNIN' AWAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ... (ineligible screaming) ... Piss me off okay!!!!!!!!!!!! Doncha even think 'bout it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Me: Ok. Bye.

(YESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS!)

Thursday, June 9, 2011

Animal(e) Crackers

When did they start making animal crackers with genitalia? I miss the old androgynous ones ... :(

Wednesday, June 8, 2011

Pop versus Soda


I scared myself really, really bad today. I was talking to someone on the phone and said, "I could really use an ice cold soda right now."

No. No, no, no, no, NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

It's not soda it's POP! What is wrong with me? Why did I say that? I never say that.

I even live in a blue state!!!!!!!!!!!!! (Blue = Pop, Yellow/Green = Soda, Red = Coke)


Basically, I washed my mouth out with soap as soon as I got home and swore that I would never say soda again. I've also decided that I will never live in yellow or greenish state, but could comfortably live in a red one because I like the word Coke.

Tuesday, June 7, 2011

Digital History

I don't know if you've ever checked out the Library of Congress' website, but it's cool. Super cool. You can look at old newspapers, photographs, maps, and many more cool things that chronicle America's history.

Tonight, I was searching the digital photography section and found this picture:


It's from CHAUNCELOT! That's right, Chauncelot!

I also found two pictures of Mason's relatives.

Eddie Plenty Holes. Mason's great-grandfather.

Horse's Ghost. Mason's great-great grandfather.

Library of Congress = Cool, cool things. 

Monday, June 6, 2011

A Wedding Story

So, the big news of the day is ... I'M MARRIED!

Are you shocked?

You should be. I was. I am. But, it's true. My relationship is now recognized legally. I got married on June 2!

Let me tell you the story. A couple weeks ago, I decided that it was indeed time to get married. Mason was super happy because he's been wanting to do it for years now. The plan was that we would get the marriage license and get married on the same day. We decided it would be Friday, May 27 since we both had the day off from work. So, at 8:30am we were at the Courthouse. As I was standing there paying $50 for the license I looked on the wall and saw this sign that said "Marriage ceremonies by a judge are $50." Um, excuse me? I had to pay $50 for the license and now an extra $50 for a judge to sign this thing. No. No freakin' thank you. Why would I pay to get married??? Someone should be paying me!!!!!!!!!!!!! So, we were now on to Plan B. Although, at the time, I had no idea what Plan B was, although I knew it would not involve me paying more money.

A couple days went by and I suggested to Mason that we should ask our next door neighbor to do it since she's a pastor. I was nervous about asking her, though. Since she's friends with God and all that, I figured she wouldn't be comfortable signing the certificate without a religious-type cermony. Although, I have heard her use the "F" word before as well as seen her wearing Budweiser shirts so I shoulda just chilled out. Anyway, I finally asked her last Thursday. I told her that in exchange for marrying us we would happily mow her lawn (since it is almost never mowed). She was totally cool with it. And, very happy to (finally) have a mowed lawn. She told me to come over after Mason got off work and she'd do it.

YAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

As soon as Mason got home, we went over. She brought us into the office in her home, but told us not to sit down because the chairs were covered in cat hair. And, when I say they were COVERED that's putting it lightly. I think she may be a Godly cat-hoarder. But, it's OK 'cause she married us.

Official Wedding Photo
Don't you love her Bon Jovi tee? Or the fact that Mason dressed up and I wore jeans?

Here's one of her cats that attended the ceremony ...

Photo with our wedding guest
It seriously turned out better than I expected. I'm not into white dresses, formal ceremonies, or dancing so a Chauncelot wedding with a Bon Jovi-lovin', cat-hoarding pastor was AWESOME and totally my style! Even if I do have to mow her lawn ... Right after we got married, we hurried off to our reception which consisted of fabulous McDonald's and several games of Redneck Bingo with the BFFs. Again, it was ... AWESOME. Our honeymoon? Oh yes. I went to Indiana with the BFF and Mason went to work. Do I even have to say it???? (AWESOME!)

So, there you have it. I'm a married woman. And, that's my wedding story.

You think there's any chance this will be featured on TLC????

Sunday, June 5, 2011

Wax On/Wax Off


I have fallen prey to yet another dumb app game on my iPhone, Crazy Waxing. Basically ... you wax people. And, I think eventually, if you're really good you get a golden razor. That part I don't get though ... Why would you want to ever shave again after experiencing the joys of waxing?? Makes no sense whatsoever!

So far, I've only waxed this guy's beard, so I'm hoping that more people come to my salon and I can progress to waxing eyebrows, legs, lips, and my all-time favorite, arm pits!!! I probably have to actually buy the game though to wax anything super cool ... And, even for a fun waxing game, I refuse to spend money on it. We'll see!

FYI - Tomorrow's blog will be a must-read blog with big, big news so definitely tune in!

Saturday, June 4, 2011

ROADTRIP

Folks, the roadtrip was great! The BFF and I trekked it to Bloomington, Indiana to visit our long lost bestie, Charlie (not her real name, but I forgot to ask if I could use her real name!). It was a jam-packed day of touring the sights, playing at the park, drinking beer, discussing our traumatic life events, drinking beer, eating, more talking, and then more beer drinking and eating. It was really wonderful and awesome.


Me, Charlie, BFF


Don't we look happy to see each other??!!


Me, BFF

Don't we look happy beer-sampling at the Upland Brewing Co.?

Corned Beef  Cabbage at the Irish Lion

If you could see my face in this picture, I would ask, "Don't I look happy eating Corned Beef and Cabbage at The Irish Lion?"

Dublin Coddle at the Irish Lion!!!

Use your imagination ... Don't I look happy eating The Irish Lion's Dublin Coddle?????

The answer to all of those questions is, "Um, yes, yes we/I friggin' do look happy!"

Aside from a lovely reunification of friends, a highlight of the day was meeting a Life in Chauncelot blog fan!!!! Yes, people. That's right. I said a blog fan! This is huge, because I'm not related to her and I wasn't previously friends with her before yesterday!!!!!! O.M.G. Big day for me.

Here's a picture of us I pretty much forced her to take so I could blog about it:

BLOG FAN and Me


Don't I look freakin' happy? Ummm, yeah!

My eyes do look kinda crazy in this picture, though. Don't worry, I wasn't doing drugs. Sadly, I'm allergic to the entire state of Indiana so I was having a major allergy attack the entire time I was there. By the end of the night, my eyes were practically sealed shut. But, that's OK. All that matters is I have a blog fan/new friend and spent quality time with the besties.

**************

Thanks Charlie for everything. You're beautiful, amazing, and we love you, miss you, and can't wait to see you again!!


Thursday, June 2, 2011

A Hop, Skip, and a 5-Hour Drive!

a

Tomorrow the BFF and I are roadtripping it to see our long-lost bestie friend ... I'm SUPER EXCITED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! And, as you can see, so is my left arm.

Wednesday, June 1, 2011

A Poem. About Lilies.


Lilies, lilies

I love lilies.

They make me silly.

Because they are lilies.

And, I love lilies.

They don't give me the willies

Like creeping charlie does.

I love lilies.

Lilies, lilies.