Friday, May 20, 2011

The End Cometh ...

So, I'm sure by now everyone knows the big rumor that the rapture is coming ... supposedly at 6pm tomorrow.

This is all according to some dude named Harold Camping. He apparently predicted the rapture before and told everybody it was happening in 1994. When it didn't happen, he said that he made a minor mathematical error. Um, yeah ok. So now he says it's tomorrow, which is totally believable.

I've heard many different versions on what's going to occur, but basically all the believers are going to go to heaven tomorrow at 6pm and then all of us sinners are either going to experience 150 days of Hell on earth, or 513 days of Hell on earth, or there's just going to be a huge earthquake/volcano and we'll all die.

I'm scared. Ok, not really, but I'll pretend.

I'm fairly certain that I won't be taken in the rapture. So, my plan, if we all don't suddenly die in an earthly explosion, is this: I will be with my BFF who has major firepower and also lives in a relatively secluded house. We will create an apocalypse plan which will consist of looting the crap out of the entire city and gunning down anyone in our way. Oh yes, friends ... It will be bloody mayhem, because the only rule about the apocalypse is there are no rules. It's every woman for herself. And, just like Bon Jovi, we plan to go down in a blaze of glory.

Good luck tomorrow, my friends. Those of us left are gonna need it.

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