My plea to all future airline passengers - Just go through the friggin' full body scanner and save my brother from having to pat down your nasty ass.
"I wAs advising this guy that I would be patting him down and he replied "as long as your not a homosexual, and I know your not a homosexual so its ok." Then I was patting his legs down and he said "I have to fart!" He proceeds to run five steps forward and jumps in to a semi squat saying" I have to fart. I knew your face was down there and so I didn t want to fart." This is what kinda people I see all the time."
(You can read my brother's first email here.)