I'm not happy.
I've got a serious baby mama situation on my hands right now ...
I come home from work today to find a cup sitting on my counter.
A cup without a lid. A cup that is holding a big mama spider and a crapload of her babies.
Why is it on my counter, you ask?
WHY THE EFF IS THERE A CUP WITH A HUGE EFFING SPIDER AND A BILLION EFFING BABY SPIDERS ON MY COUNTER??????????????????????
The kid: 'Cause I found it at work last night and thought it was cool.
So, you're telling me that you BROUGHT this into the house. That it has been in the house for over 24 hours and that there hasn't been a lid on it this whole time, WHICH MEANS THERE WERE PROBABLY MORE BABY SPIDERS THAT CRAWLED OUT AND ARE SOMEWHERE IN MY FREAKIN' HOUSE RIGHT NOW ... BREEDING MORE SPIDERS? IS THAT WHAT YOU'RE TELLING ME?
The kid: Uhhhh, yeah basically.
(This is the part where I began ripping out my hair and beating my head on the floor. I no longer have hair now ... or much of a skull left.)
Oh, ok. Well that's great. Thanks for bringing it home with you. Really cool! Totally love it! NOW GET IT THE EFF OUTTA HERE!!!!!!
Until today, I've never really had a problem with spiders. But, after witnessing this massive spider spawn, I've deduced that (1) I hate spiders and (2) spider baby mama drama is uber creepy. On the bright side ... even if she and her baby spider army invade my house at least she can't ask for child support! Holla!