Tuesday, August 31, 2010

Tirrredddd (APAD)

The 344th picture in "A Picture A Day" series.



We're all tired as hell here tonight. It's been busy, busy, busy, which is why I'm thrilled to freakin' death that I decided to have a crockpot dinner!

I thought I'd share it with everyone, because it's one of my favorite recipes, Texas-style Chili. Yum! It's actually not a crockpot recipe, but I've always made it in the crockpot.

What you'll need:

2 tsp oil
1 lb chuck stew meat
1 medium onion, chopped
2 medium carrots, shredded
2 tsp cumin
1 can (4.5 oz) chopped green chiles
1 can (14.5 oz) chicken broth
1 can (28 oz) fire-roasted diced tomatoes
1 can (15 oz) each red kidney, black and pinto beans, rinsed and drained
1 can (11 oz) Mexican-style corn, drained

Heat oil in skillet. Add beef and saute 4 minutes or until browned. Add onion and saute 5 minutes. Stir in carrots and cumin. Cook 1 minute.

At this point, I always add the other ingredients and throw everything in the crockpot on low. But, the original recipe tells you this: add chiles, broth, and tomatoes. Heat just to a boil, cover and reduce heat to medium-low. Cook 1 hour or until beef is tender, stirring occassionally. Stir in remaining ingredients and cook until heated through.

Whether you make it in the crockpot or on the stovetop, it's a really cheap, easy, and yummy meal!

'Night everyone!

Monday, August 30, 2010

I Bid A Fond Farewell ... (APAD)

The 343rd picture in "A Picture A Day" series.


As my sister put it, "It's the end of an era."

Aside from my Dad, everyone in my family has owned a Chevy Cavalier. At one point, you could drive past our house and see 4 Cavaliers in the driveway at any given time. My Mom, sister, and brother, have since traded in their Cav's for newer and better cars ...

I, however, hung on to my 1999 Chevy Cavalier ... until today.

Today, I bid farewell to my old gal ... the first car I ever bought, a 1999 Chevy Cavalier. The old gal lasted me over 10 years, over 140,000 miles, and without any major expenses.

She was a good car.

It was time to trade her in, though. She needed all new everything and was becoming unsafe to drive.

So ...

We now own a Jeep Grand Cherokee.

Yay.

I know, I know. I should be all happy and honeymoon-like with our new (used) car, but I'm not! I'm sick to my stomach, depressed, and filled with self-doubt and despair. After any major purchase, I get this way ... I DESPISE (!!!) spending large amounts of money.

Don't worry ... I'll recover from what I call MPDDPT (Major Purchase Depressive Disorder with Psychotic Tendencies). The worst of it will be over in a few days, with only minor symptoms over the next couple of months.

However ...

If this mofo turns out to be a lemon, I can promise you that I will have a full blown case of, what I call, PPDTMFPDHT (Psychotic Person Due To Major F-ed Up Purchase Disorder with Homicidal Tendencies).

Let's all hope and pray it doesn't get to that point.

Sunday, August 29, 2010

Oh (Chauncelot) Deer! (APAD)

The 342nd picture in "A Picture A Day" series.



Ok, the fake deer on the right is missing an ear ...

The one on the left, well, that one just looks all effed up doesn't it? (I mean, more effed up than just a normal ornamental garden deer ...)

Come on, Chauncelot citizens! If you're gonna buy ugly lawn ornaments at least invest in some that aren't half mutilated.

Geesh.

Saturday, August 28, 2010

WWBD? (APAD)

The 341st picture in "A Picture A Day" series.


As I was gardening tonight and being eaten alive by mosquitos, I started thinking about Buddha, Buddhism, and their creed that all life should be respected and treated with compassion, nothing harmed.

I wonder ...

Does that include mosquitos?

'Cause I'm down with Buddhism, but mosquitos are one life form for which I have ZERO compassion.

Friday, August 27, 2010

Double Entendre (APAD)

The 340th picture in "A Picture A Day" series.


Remember my favorite church sign?

Well, here's the lastest posting.

Ummmmmm.

Is it just me or is there a double meaning here? Sure, you can intepret this literally: take a right at the sign, park, and go straight into the church where then, you will apparently, be taken straight to heaven.

However, I think there's also another meaning .... Turn right, Go straight ... Turn right, Go straight. Get it? Gawwwddd. I'm sick of the H8, ya know what I'm saying?

So, I don't know if this is really a double entendre, but just in case I'm right ... I strongly disagree with both interpretations!

Thursday, August 26, 2010

Friend Night. Drink Night. Pre-Friday Fun. (APAD)

The 339th picture in "A Picture A Day" series.


It's 8:47pm.

I've had ___ glasses of Merlot and ____ glasses of Blackberry wine.

I work tomorrow.

Oops.

Wednesday, August 25, 2010

My Blog In A Cloud (APAD)

The 338th picture in "A Picture A Day" series.



Clouds are cool. Wordle word clouds ... even cooler.

Tuesday, August 24, 2010

Herbanite (APAD)

The 337th picture in "A Picture A Day" series.


That's my big bag of ...

LAVENDER!

I have a love affair with herbs ... I often dream of a kitchen filled with racks and racks of herbs and spices. Until I achieve that, though, I will just have to deal with a few bottles scattered about in my drawers and cupboards.

Lavender is one of my favorite herbs. I have it growing all over my garden and always have a bag of the dried stuff on my counter.

The smell of Lavender is so calming and lovely.

*Sniff* *Sniff* *Snifffffffffffff*

I know not everyone is a lover of folk wisdom, like I am, but herbs, and Lavender in particular, have a lot of uses other than just cooking. For instance, taking a whiff of Lavender can promote sleep and relieve stress. Some say that adding Lavender essential oil to water and misting it over sunburned skin can help soothe it. Lavender can also help take out the itchiness of bug bites and is even an anti-septic for cuts!

Lavender is awesome.

And, to all the haters out there who say this is just a bunch of mumbo jumbo, an urban legend, so to speak ... I say, you're right.

It's totally an herban legend and I love it!

Monday, August 23, 2010

What's Up With That? (APAD)

The 336th picture in "A Picture A Day" series.



Uhhhh, I actually look like I'm happy about being dressed up like a cowgirl. WTH?

Don't ya just love the leather couch and the shag carpet? The 80's rocked!

Now, if only I could get my hands on a picture of me in my favorite 80's outfit - spandex pants and a "No Pain, No Gain" top ...

Sunday, August 22, 2010

30 Days And Counting ... (APAD)

The 335th picture in "A Picture A Day" series.


I'm not sure if you all realize this, buuuuttttt I have 30 days left until I hit the year mark with my "picture a day" series! YAY! I can't quite figure out what comes next, though ... Do I just continue blogging "a picture a day?" Do I stop? No, no I can't do that. I love blogging! Hmmmmmmm. Do I do something different? I don't know, but I have 30 days to figure it out and would welcome any and all suggestions! By the way - If you're not already, you should really become a fan of Life in Chauncelot on Facebook!

Ok. Now, on to other things ...

I went to the Dollar Store today and picked up some wine goblets and glasses. I buy all of my glassware there. Their glasses are good quality, they look nice, and they're ... only $1! You can't beat it. And, who really cares when one of them breaks, because they're ... only $1!

I dearly love the Dollar Store.

After the Dollar Store, I came home and cooked up some cornish game hens. Small, cute, and delectable. Yummmmmmm. Though, the one thing missing from my delightful dinner was a Margarita.

I've been craving Margarita's lately, but I don't like buying them at bars or restaurants because they're expensive and I don't really like any of the store-bought mixes so I've been outta luck in the Margarita department.

However, my Mom must've known her favorite daughter was in desperate need of a Margarita fix, because she called me this evening just to give me her recipe for slushy Margarita's ... And, her recipe is the best around!

Thanks, Mama. I love you.

So, if you need a Margarita fix, like me, you should definitely make this recipe. It makes a lot, so you can always have some handy when the cravings kick in :)

Slushy Margarita Mix:

4 - 12 oz cans of concentrated frozen lemonade
1 - 12 oz can of concentrated frozen limeade
2 - cups of sugar
8 - cups of water
1 - 12 oz bottle of Rose's Lime Juice (optional, but recommended!)
3 1/2 - cups of tequila

Put sugar and 4 cups of water in a pot on the stove. Bring it to a boil so the sugar can dissolve. Cool. Then mix everything together and freeze. The tequila will keep it nice and slushy for you.

If you're more of an "on the rocks" type of person, you can just add a little pop (7-up, Sprite, Sierra Mist) to your glass everytime you pour yourself a drink, which ends up being a perfect combination of slush and liquid.

*** THE END ***

Saturday, August 21, 2010

Splurge Night!

The 334th picture in "A Picture A Day" series.


Some days you just gotta splurge. And, tonight, was one of those nights.

My late evening Walmart run ended with some good old-fashioned gossip mags and a few bottles of cool nail polish!

I am so excited to begin reading I can barely stand it! The National Enquirer is my favorite; it's a stellar magazine with AMAZING articles. I mean, who doesn't wanna hear about the alien baby born somewhere in southern Texas? Or, the man who gave birth to a goat? Or, the kid who they think may be Jesus reincarnated? Come on now! Seriously good stuff.

It's all true, too.

Friday, August 20, 2010

Bad, Bad Things (APAD)

The 333rd picture in "A Picture A Day" series.


That, my friends, is the troll of Walmart - so named because she resembles one. She appears at Walmart on Friday evenings and I would suggest avoiding her at all costs!

She is mean, evil, and worst of all she thinks she's entitled! People who feel they are entitled - that the world owes them everything and anything - are awful, awful human beings.

Basically, Troll bought about $500 worth of groceries, waited until the cashier had scanned and bagged every single item, before saying:

Wait. Did you get the 15 cent off coupon on the Ziplock bags?

The cashier says:

Nope.

Troll takes a break from her cell call to say:

All you had to do was rip it off!

Now, Troll has to look through all of her 120 bags to find the 15 cent off coupon on the Ziplocks.

Mother. Effer.

After about 10 minutes of bag-digging, Troll finds the stupid 15 cent off coupon. Woohoo, Troll lady! You saved a whole 15 friggin' cents. Then, Troll says:

Can you please call someone and tell them to help me put these groceries in my car?

Really? No, really? Are you serious, Troll?

Yes, she's serious.

So, we all have to wait in line behind her until they can find some poor Walmart employee to wheel her stupid cart out to her stupid car and put her stupid groceries in it.

Ughhhhhhhhhhhh.

After she left, the cashier says to me:

That woman makes me wanna do bad things.

Amen, cashier girl! Me too!

Thursday, August 19, 2010

Otherwise Known As Thursday (APAD)

The 332nd picture in "A Picture A Day" series.


Friday's Eve.

Day before Friday.

Day after Wednesday.

Donnerstag.

Thor's Day.

Day of Jupiter.

Thunor's Day.

Day of Zeus.

Between Wednesday and Friday.

Jumeraate.

Fourth Day of the Week.

Feria Quinta.

Fifth Day.

Chetverg.

Jueves.

TGIAF (Thank God it's Almost Friday!).

*******************

I love purple coneflowers ... They have nothing to do with Thursday.

Wednesday, August 18, 2010

Cacao! Cacao! Cacao! (APAD)

The 331st picture in "A Picture A Day" series.


Amazing Grass Chocolate Superfood is ... well, it's amazing!!!

I add a scoop of this powder to my Green Monster each morning and, lemme tell ya, the taste buds love it!

Expensive, but worth it.

Just don't buy the Berry Superfood, because your taste buds will turn Emo and start to kill themselves off!

Tuesday, August 17, 2010

Danielle's Book Club (APAD)

The 330th picture in "A Picture A Day" series.


This book should be on everyone's bookshelves!

Seriously.

I'm not kidding you.

LOL! LMAO! LMFAO! I honestly don't think there's an acronym out there that can truly capture this book's hilariousness.

So, freakin' funny!

The author, Justin Halpern, lives with his 74-year old Dad and basically just writes down everything his Dad says.

This book = ingenious. Justin's Dad = ingenious.

At the very least, I would highly recommend checking out the reviews of the book on Amazon for some hilarious snippets. Justin also has a running blog of his Dad's sayings here.

And, ah, as for the book club goes .... Hmmmmmm. We're probably supposed to discuss this book at some point. So, um, here's your discussion questions:

1. Why do you think Justin's father swears so much?

2. How do you think Justin felt when his father said this to him: "You look just like Stephen Hawking...Relax, I meant like a non-paralyzed version of him. Feel better?... Fine. Forget I said it."

3. What do you think Justin's father was trying to get across to him when he said this: "You worry too much. Eat some bacon... What? No, I got no idea if it'll make you feel better, I just made too much bacon."

4. How would you describe Justin's father's views on marriage in relation to this comment: "If mom calls, tell her I'm shitting... Son, marriage is about not having to lie about taking a shit."

5. Isn't Sh*t My Dad Says the sh*t??!!

Monday, August 16, 2010

Nothing in particular in 7 (APAD)

The 329th picture in "A Picture A Day" series.


1. A world without candles seems quite dim to me.

2. There were 17 (!!!) hummingbirds in my yard tonight.

3. I love the word 'thrice.'

4. For a brief moment tonight, I smelled Fall. It was wonderful.

5. It's not possible to own too many things that are skullish or witchy.

6. The whole New York-9/11-Mosque issue really pisses me off.

7. I write as a rightie, but I lean wayyyy to the leftie.

Sunday, August 15, 2010

Age Old Question (APAD)

The 328th picture in "A Picture A Day" series.


How many rednecks does it take to change a flat tire?

Well, lemme break it down for you.

It took:

5 rednecks and a kid on a bike.

1 dude in a truck who brought tools.

Beer.

And, about 3 hours and 45 minutes.

******

Whew.

Saturday, August 14, 2010

Double, double toil and trouble ... (APAD)

The 327th picture in "A Picture A Day" series.


Ain't nothing wrong with a little witchery on a Saturday afternoon.

Friday, August 13, 2010

Friggatriskaidekaphobia (APAD)

The 326th picture in "A Picture A Day" series.


Yup ...

That's the fear of Friday the 13th.

And, after today, I think I may have a bad case of friggatriskaidekaphobia.

Aside from all the bad and strange things that occurred today, one good thing did happen - Mason sealed the deal on a major promotion! YAY!

However ...

In my research on Friday the 13th folklore, I learned that beginning new projects or undertaking major changes on Friday the 13th is very, very, very, very, very, very unlucky.

Freakin' figures.

Ah well. I have a jug of wine to sip on - or chug depending upon the moment. And, my personal folklore says that wine drowns out all forms of bad luck ... at least until the next morning!!

Thursday, August 12, 2010

The Have To's and The Have Not To's

The 325th picture in "A Picture A Day" series.


The things I had to do today, but didn't really want to:

Worked.
Paid bills.
Washed dishes.
Pee'd (several times).
Talked to stupid people.
Pretended to care about stupid people.

The things I didn't have to do today, but did and loved every minute of it:

Gardened!
Played with my dogs!
Smiled!
Ate lasagna!
Talked to a super, duper cool person!
Made big plans!
Flossed my teeth!
Talked to my dad!
Thought about things!
Continued to pee!
Decided not to worry about it!

Wednesday, August 11, 2010

Mobile Blogging! (APAD)

The 324th picture in "A Picture A Day" series.


Power's out AGAIN! Damn storms ...

Blah.

So I'm blogging at the bar and enjoying the company of all the friendly patrons ... especially the tree huggin', pot smokin', porn watchin', lazy ass hippie sitting next to me!

Tuesday, August 10, 2010

Holy Hell (APAD)

The 323rd picture in "A Picture A Day" series.


If Hell is actually a place, I'm pretty sure I'm headed straight to a Veterinarian's Office upon my death ...

Vet's Office = My personal Hell

This afternoon, both dogs had a doc visit to update shots and also to get Madge's funky skin condition checked out. As soon as I pulled into the parking lot, the visit took a hellish turn as Hilde jumped out of the window of my still moving car!

&*##$#$#$#*&#!

I slam my car into park. Chase after her. Grab her. Scream. Go back to the car. Get Madge. Head inside. It's only been 5 minutes and I am so freakin' crabby that any sort of weapon should be kept far, far away from me 'cause I will most definitely use it.

We're finally inside. Both dogs are beyond hyper and nervous, because they hate the vet. I'm trying to sign in and Madge has quadruple-wrapped herself and her leash around both my ankles. Sadly, I don't realize this until I try to take a step and come crashing down on top of some other dog, who is probably dead right now thanks to me crushing him with my weight.

&*##$#$#$#*&#!

We sit. Madge is howling incessantly. I am trying to control both of them because they are so spastic right now. Then ...

Hilde poops.

Yep. Poops. Right in the middle of the waiting room.

&*##$#$#$#*&#!

I clean it up. That was fun! I sit back down trying to remain calm. In my head, though, I'm screaming obscenities and contemplating just asking the vet to put both of my dogs to sleep. Or perhaps I'll drop them off at the dog pound on the way home. Hmmmmmmmmmmmm ...

Rebel can come back now.

Not us.

Peeper the doctor is ready.

Not us ... again.

Foofoo ...
Claudia ...
Barney ...
Lilac ....


OMG! It's now 45 minutes past our appointment.

50 minutes ...

1 hour and 5 minutes later, we're in!!!!!

Of course, our appointment lasted all of 5 minutes, minus the two minutes it took to clean up pee since Madge decided the Vet's table would be a great place to urinate.

Oh my gawwwwddddd!

$150 later I am finally out of the Vet's office, only to find out that, in my panic chasing down Hilde when we first arrived, I forgot to turn my car off. It has been running the ENTIRE time! Yay me ...

Like I said, if Hell is in fact a destination, I'll be sitting in a Vet's office for eternity.

Monday, August 9, 2010

Chauncelot Butterflies (APAD)

The 322nd picture in "A Picture A Day" series.


Welcome to Part 1 of Beautiful Things Exist in Chauncelot! It took me 4 months to gather these 4 pics, so hold on to your panties 'cause it's probably gonna be awhile 'til Part 2 comes out :)


Purdy...


Prettay...


Pretty...

Sunday, August 8, 2010

Quality Time ... (APAD)

The 321st picture in "A Picture A Day" series.


Hikin' it up with my parents today!!!!

(And, no, I haven't changed my shoelaces yet!!)

Saturday, August 7, 2010

Holy 'Mole! (APAD)

The 320th picture in "A Picture A Day" series.


Attention guacamole lovers!

This recipe comes from Alton Brown ... super easy and sooo awesome:

3 Haas avocados, halved, seeded and peeled
1 lime, juiced
1/2 teaspoon kosher salt
1/2 teaspoon ground cumin
1/2 teaspoon cayenne
1/2 medium onion, diced
2 Roma tomatoes, seeded and diced
1 tablespoon chopped cilantro
1 clove garlic, minced

Directions:
In a large bowl place the scooped avocado pulp and lime juice, toss to coat. Drain, and reserve the lime juice, after all of the avocados have been coated. Using a potato masher add the salt, cumin, and cayenne and mash. Then, fold in the onions, tomatoes, cilantro, and garlic. Add 1 tablespoon of the reserved lime juice. Let sit at room temperature for 1 hour and then serve.

I would suggest doubling the recipe, because you will want to eat the whole bowl in one sitting, by yourself! Mmmmmmmmmmmmmm! I would also recommend pairing this dip with at least two Summer Shandys. Double Mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm!

Friday, August 6, 2010

Minnesota is Coming to Ohio! (APAD)

The 319th picture in "A Picture A Day" series.


Holy balls!!! It's already 9pm and I have so much left to do ... Thank God for the green tea + pomegranate drinky thing.

My Mom and Dad are coming to visit for a few days and will arrive a little earlier than expected - at 1am this morning!! YAY!

Ok, now I'm off to dust, vacuum, scrub the toilet and, hmmmmmmmmm, a bunch of others things!

!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Have a great weekend :)

Thursday, August 5, 2010

Let There Be Light! (APAD)

The 318th picture in "A Picture A Day" series.


When dealing with a power outage, on a scorching hot and humid day, my solution is this:

(1) Gorge yourself on Chinese food.

(2) Crawl home to the nearest bed, couch, or just lay on the front porch.

(3) Enter food-induced comatose state.

(4) Awake several hours later to electricity!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Wednesday, August 4, 2010

Thing of Beauty (APAD)

The 317th picture in "A Picture A Day" series.


Checkin' out a beautiful sunset with Frank's, Fly Me To The Moon, playing in the background. Ol' Blue Eyes gets me every time!

What a great freakin' car ride!

Tuesday, August 3, 2010

Luck Donations? This Way Please (APAD)

The 316th picture in "A Picture A Day" series.


According to my calculations, my luck ran out July 3rd, 2010.

I've never been particularly lucky or had any type of amazing lucky streak, but things were going along fine, all things seemed balanced until July 3rd hit. Then, as they say, sh&t hit the fan yo. July 2010 has most definitely been an unlucky month for me. People have been going crazy, I can't find things I need, all drama finds it's way to me, etc, etc.

I thought August would be better.

So far, I've been wrong.

Which is why I need some luck. I need luck real, real bad.

In order to give my luck a jump start, I've watered my four measly Shamrocks, I bought some Lucky Charms, I'm looking for a leprechaun for my garden, and I'm currently in search of a rabbit whose foot I can chop off. I've done my part ...

Now here's where you come in.

I'm looking for luck donations. If you have some spare luck you can send me, please, please do so! I only need luck for the next two days or so and then all can go to hell again.

Thanks everyone!

Monday, August 2, 2010

Book Worm ... Then There's Albert (APAD)

The 315th picture in "A Picture A Day" series.


I love bargain books! Especially when they are 50% off and buy 2 get 1 free!!!

Tonight I was sitting on my back porch perusing through my book finds when Albert, who I haven't seen since his last bartering episode, came around the side of my porch ...

Albert: BAWWWWAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRAAAGARRRRRR

Me: Hi Albert.

Albert: Scaaaed ya, huh?

Me: Yeah, really scary.

Albert: Hey whys you don't go school in da field wit da peepull.

Me: Ummmm. What?

Albert: Da school?

Me: I don't understand. What about the school?

Albert: Why yous got so much trubble undastandin'?

Me: I don't get what you're saying. What do you mean about going to school in the field with the people?

Albert: Yous kinda stoopid ain't ya?

******

What an ass.

Sunday, August 1, 2010

Gonna Steal From Ya (APAD)

The 314th picture in "A Picture A Day" series.


Soooooooo,

Guess what?

I have been suspected of stealing TWICE today! And I didn't even try to steal anything!

Ugh.

During the first suspected stealing event (SSE), I was at a local department store doing some school clothes shopping. I scored three pairs of nice jeans on the clearance rack! I browsed around a little while longer and then headed to the cash register with the jeans. All was going fine. The old cashier lady was taking off all those security tag thingys, folding the jeans, bagging them ... Then she takes the bag and puts it over this scanner and it beeps. So she says "I musta missed a tag ... sometimes they put them in pockets." No big deal, right? She opens up the bag and starts looking through the pockets and she gets to the last pair and says: "Oh, that's what it was. A pair of Fossil sunglasses in the pocket." At first, I was just like "Oh that's weird," and wasn't really thinking anything about it. Until she starts glaring at me and being really snippy and rude. Then I was like "OMG, she thinks I was trying to steal them!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

I freakin' wasn't!

As I walked away I know that old hag was gossiping with the other super-ancient cashier about the thief she just caught.

*SIGH* I wasn't trying to steal, dammit!

The second SSE occurred about two hours later. I was at the Mall and just bought some books from one of the bookstores when I decided to head to another store before leaving. As soon as I walk in, the freakin' security alarm thing starts going off. Grrrrreeeat. Luckily, the cashier dude was nice enough to take my bag of books to the little machine that deactivates the security things so it wouldn't happen again. Problem solved, I hope!?

As I'm wandering around the store, this other cashier dude who resembles Lurch from The Addams Family, keeps yelling across the store, "Hey, if that thing goes off when you leave I'm gonna throw a shoe at you." Ummmm, huh? "No, seriously I'm really gonna throw a shoe at you." OK, WTF? Now I'm just irritated ... Everyone is staring at me and Lurch keeps yelling at me and laughing because he thinks he's hilarious.

I'm freakin' leaving.

Of course, I walk out of the store and what happens? Oh yeah. Security alarms sound. Lovely. Really lovely. This time around, though, the nice cashier dude was not so nice. This time, I have to let him see the inside of my purse AND let him look through my other bags.

Oh. My. God.

Kill. Me. Now.

I DIDN'T STEAL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

And, of course, Lurch takes off his shoe and is like "I'm gonna throw this at you. I told you I would. Hahahaha."

JeeeeSUS.

After the second SSE, I was done for the day. No more shopping. No more interacting with people. Just get me the eff home!

Overall, my shopping experience sucked. How is it even possible I was suspected of stealing twice in one day?! Seriously how? Perhaps God/Mother Earth/Karma/The Dalai Lama/Colonel Sanders was trying to teach me a lesson. Whatever the lesson was, though, I have no freakin' clue!