Saturday, July 31, 2010

Dear God(s) (APAD)

The 313th picture in "A Picture A Day" series.

Thank you for bringing M&M Pretzels into my life. You don't know how badly I needed them. They fill my belly and make my heart sing bee-bop-itty music instead of those bad country tunes it's been belting out these past few weeks. I do believe these have changed my life for the better ... Thank you so much.

Oh - And thanks for giving me my daily bread and all that other stuff too.


Friday, July 30, 2010

Bare Cupboards ... (APAD)

The 312th picture in "A Picture A Day" series.

Another installment in the Nothing to Eat series!


What's for dinner?

Fried squash, asparagus, and eggs all topped with Louisiana Hot Sauce.


Shut up.


Thursday, July 29, 2010

Thought Everyone Should Know (APAD)

The 311th picture in "A Picture A Day" series.

I have a bad, bad case of cactus legs right now.

Wednesday, July 28, 2010

Frugal Living (APAD)

The 310th picture in "A Picture A Day" series.

Quick lesson in frugality: Steal a shopping cart. Use it as a garbage can.

Total savings: Anywhere from $20-$40.

Frak yeah!

Tuesday, July 27, 2010

No thanks, I'll pass ... (APAD)

The 309th picture in "A Picture A Day" series.

Even I won't partake in a Bengals ice cream cake ... And I don't discriminate against sweets!

Who dey?

Exactly ...

Monday, July 26, 2010

The Secret To Not Caring (APAD)

The 308th picture in "A Picture A Day" series.

The secret to not giving a crap what other people think is as follows:

1. Buy Maple Almond Butter (or be lucky like me and get it free from a friend).

2. Drizzle it over apples.

3. Eat.

4. Lick your fingers.

5. Lick the bowl.

6. Lick the counter where some of the butter landed.

7. Dry heave, because you think you may have accidentally licked up an ant along with the butter.

7. Wish you had more Maple Almond Butter.

8. Curse the fact that you don't.

9. Call a friend and relentlessly bitch about how much you don't care what other people think.

Sunday, July 25, 2010

Accuracy in Marketing (APAD)

The 307th picture in "A Picture A Day" series.

It's refreshing to see a company whose advertising accurately reflects the product being sold ...

'cause this bubble gum most definitely tastes like toxic waste!

Who woulda guessed that truth could be such an effective marketing gimmick? Sadly, I doubt I'll ever buy this again ... I'm just not into the toxic waste taste, I guess. I will, however, always have the utmost respect for this company for warning me about their gum prior to purchase!

I'll leave it to the Mad Men to answer why I would ever purchase something like this in the first place ... Season 4 premieres tonight!!

Saturday, July 24, 2010

Hmmmm ... it's the to or too again! (APAD)

The 306th picture in "A Picture A Day" series.

Another grammatical blunder?

Perhaps ...

But, maybe ... just maybe ... this U-haul heeds a warning: Mr. Small is a complete a-hole and avoid doing business with him at all costs!

Too bad I never found the U-haul owner to inquire about the true meaning ... Shortly after snapping this picture I stepped on a toothpick that embedded itself nearly halfway into the sole of my foot. Hurt like Hell, I tell you! I wish I could share with you the irony behind this injury, but sadly - due to a minor confidentiality issue - I cannot. All I can say is that karma is alive and well ... dammit!

Friday, July 23, 2010

Cowboy Up! (APAD)

The 305th picture in "A Picture A Day" series.

Powerful words of wisdom. Thank you Dodge Ram owner.

I think I shall go and meditate on this now.

Thursday, July 22, 2010

Like A Double-Edged Sword ... (APAD)

The 304th picture in "A Picture A Day" series.

I've been a little on the crabby side today ...

No. I'm lying. I've been really, really crabby today!

I didn't even wake up crabby, just lots of little crabby things have crabbily happened over the course of a crabby day to turn me into a raging crab-hole by evening.

The one thing, though, that has turned my frown upside down was a delightful feast of donuts for dinner. Nothin' like fried, sugary, calorie-packed, fluffy, creme-filled dough to perk ya up a bit! The only problem I foresee, with my mood-lifting binge, is that tomorrow morning when I step on the scale I will not only have gained 30 pounds, but will have become a giant, jiggly blob with 80% body fat ... And, guess what? I will probably be even crabbier than I was before the donuts!!!!!!!

Total ugh-ville.

Wednesday, July 21, 2010

"Alfred Hitchcock Presents" (APAD)

The 303rd picture in "A Picture A Day" series.

Good evening ladies and gentlemen ...

Tonight's show delves into the mind of a young lady who blamed her sudden onset of psychosis on mutant mosquito bites and the lunar effects of a waxing moon. She was a bit moonstruck I guess you could say!


No, seriously ... I don't know what's with the mosquitos this summer but they are mutant, alien-like, blood-sucking machines. Nothing stops their attack!

And, have you noticed that over the past two weeks people are seriously flippin' their lids, people who are normally rational human beings? I don't know what's with all the crazy right now, but there's a full moon in 5 days and I'm getting really, really scared for the psychosis that is sure to come!

Tuesday, July 20, 2010

Source of Craziness (APAD)

The 302nd picture in "A Picture A Day" series.

Oh yes, crazyberries exist.

And if you don't believe me, you should meet my dog 'cause I'm pretty sure she's found the crazyberry mother plant.

Monday, July 19, 2010

Tie Tacks for Creepers (APAD)

The 301st picture in "A Picture A Day" series.

Mason enjoys making himself tie tacks. He comes up with random, weird ideas for the designs and sayings. His most recent tie tack idea came from the album cover of a Supergrass compilation. One of the buttons on the cover said, "Are you one too?" I really don't know what that means, but Mason liked it and decided to replicate it as a tie tack. He had to abbreviate the sentence, though, because it was way too long otherwise ...

So, this is what he came up with:

RU12 = Are you one too?

However, that's not the message I read. Instead, I saw this:

RU12 = Are you twelve?

As soon as I told Mason my interpretation of his tack, his face contorted into one of sheer terror. Yeah ... probably not a question you want to be asking ... EVER! Needless to say, the unfinished RU12 tie tack sits in the scrap metal drawer in the basement, never to be worn.

But, hey, if there's ever a market for pervy tie tacks, we're gonna make bank on this one!

Sunday, July 18, 2010

Green-ified!!! (APAD)

The 300th picture in "A Picture A Day" series.

Picked me up a compost tumbler from Tractor Supply Company and now I'm officially a composter!

Technically, I've been composting for probably about two years ... it's just a huge pile of grass clippings, weeds, flower heads, rotten garden vegetables and paper at the back, back part of my yard. I never intended for this to be a compost pile when it started ... I was just too lazy to get a garbage bag.

There are a couple problems with my unofficial pile, though: (1) I never shred or chop anything that gets thrown in there. Last year, I would just throw whole watermelons and rotted pumpkins on top of it ... probably not the best idea. (2) I never turn it, so it doesn't get the needed oxygen, and I don't put the right mix of green and brown stuff in ... so if you get too close to it, it's quite stinky. Luckily, only the people who walk through the back alley can smell it and who cares what creepy alley-walkers think anyway.

BUT ...

I wanted to start composting the right way so I could compost more stuff, like food scraps and other household waste that would otherwise be trashed. I also really want to use the dirt from composting for my garden. Soooooooo, that's why I got the tumbler!

If you want to compost too, but don't want to spend $100 on a tumbler like I did, you can always build your own bin/box. I thought about building one - for like a second - until I came to my senses and said to myself, "Oh hell to the no, you're too lazy for all that!"

Happy composting y'all!

Saturday, July 17, 2010

Taste Testers (APAD)

The 299th picture in "A Picture A Day" series.

OHIO BREW WEEK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Finishing up the last day of celebrations with a lovely brewski sampler.

Mmmmmmmmmmmmmmm ...


... Yummmm, yummmmm


Can we get some more, please?

Friday, July 16, 2010

Purell Peeps (APAD)

The 298th picture in "A Picture A Day" series.

Mason and I went out to dinner tonight at a yummy Mexican restaurant ... 'Twas delish!!!

We were enjoying a lovely dinner, when this weirdo couple comes in ... As soon as they sit down, this lady pulls out a gigantic jug of Purell. Not like a little travel size one, like a huge one and puts it on the table. Unfortunately, you can't really see it in the picture, because I was so far away ... but it's there! Trust me. Anyway, they use the Purell before and after touching the menu, after they touch anything on the table, before they pick up their forks to eat and on and on and on. The weirdest part, though, is that their hand-sanitizing routine was completely synchronized with one another. They would both put the stuff on - him first and then her - and then they would stare at each other while they sterilized themselves ... like their hands were completely in sync with one another. Totally bizarre!

Now I'm not a fan of using anti-bacterial stuff at all. I think it's better to be exposed to germs rather than constantly trying to avoid them. So I really struggle to understand why germaphobic people even bother eating out, especially if you're gonna spend your dinner dousing yourself in Purell.

I can't be the only one out there who realizes that eating in a public establishment probably means that there's gonna be at least one speck of poo, or a tiny booger in your food or, at the very least, that one of the twenty people who handled your food probably just got done scratching their butt.

Come on - Am I right or am I right?

Thursday, July 15, 2010

All That Sparkles (APAD)

The 297th picture in "A Picture A Day" series.

I love sparkling water so much I want to marry it!

Wednesday, July 14, 2010

More Fowl News (APAD)

The 296th picture in "A Picture A Day" series.

So when it comes to choosing between organic vs. processed, hormone-injected, pesticide-exposed, chemically-ridden food, I think the real question is this:

Do you want to eat eggs with some chicken butt fuzz on them now or do you want to eat eggs that may make you grow a third nipple 10 years down the line?

I don't know quite where I fall yet, but I'm leaning towards the third nipple ...

Tuesday, July 13, 2010

The Yolk's On You (APAD)

The 295th picture in "A Picture A Day" series.

Knock Knock.
Who's there?
Chicken who?
Chicken this out! It's a dead chicken!

Why did the chicken cross the road?
It didn't. It died atop the air conditioner.

Why was the chicken on the air conditioner?
It was trying to keep cool around the cluck!

Did the chicken say anything before it died?
No. Talk is cheep.

How did the chicken die?
Suicide. The other chickens egged it on.


Knock Knock
Who's there?
Danielle who?
It's Danielle from work. And, WTF am I standing next to a dead chicken?

Talk about a fowl way to be greeted!

Monday, July 12, 2010

The Shocker (APAD)

The 294th picture in "A Picture A Day" series.

Don't worry, I'm not talking about that shocker ...

I'm talking about how shocked I was when I received the Employee of the Quarter award at work today!!!! Along with the award, I got a flowery plant, a day off and a $40 gift certificate to a restaurant of my choice. Yay!!!

Sunday, July 11, 2010

Don't Tell PETA (APAD)

The 293rd picture in "A Picture A Day" series.

Since Madge spent the entire day torturing me and Hilde - she tried to steal our dinners, she took Hilde's two favorite toys and buried them, she kept howling at both of us for no reason, she ate some of my beautiful Black Eyed Susans - we decided to get even.

After pondering many ancient torture techniques, Hilde and I decided on a modernized and kinder version of The Coffin. Instead of hanging Madge from a tree in a coffin-like metal cage and having birds peck her to death, we just threw a sheet over her and laughed while she tried to escape.

She'll never mess with us again ... Well, at least not for the next half hour or so.

Saturday, July 10, 2010

Girls' Night!

The 292nd picture in "A Picture A Day" series.

Did a little front porch hangin', beer drinkin', and food eatin' with my homies!

Couldn't ask for a better way to spend my Saturday night :)

Friday, July 9, 2010

Pizza Night! (APAD)

The 291st picture in "A Picture A Day" series.

I'm home alone.


So, I'm throwing myself a little party with some pizza, a jug o' wine, and a little Netflix instant play!

God I love instant play.

I'm watching The Girl With A Dragon Tattoo, right now. If you haven't read the book, you should. It's really good. So is the second one, The Girl Who Played With Fire. I'm still waiting for the third one, The Girl Who Kicked The Hornet's Nest, to come out in paperback ... I just can't get myself to spend $25 on the hardcover version.

Anyway, during my little party, I started thinking about my favorite TV shows of all time and paused the movie to obsessively look them up on Netflix to see if they are available to watch instantly. Since I'm sure you're just dying to know what my favorite shows are, I thought I'd treat you all to my top 10 list (in no particular order) ... Oh I know the suspense is killing you ...

#1: The Wire - O.M.G. ... I freakin' love this show! It took me awhile to get into this one ... The first few episodes were really slow for me. So, if you do watch this and don't like it initially give it a few episodes. For me, The Wire is like a Sociologist's wet dream. Oh yeah, it's that good! It takes place in Baltimore and deals with cops and thugs. Unlike any other cop drama, though, The Wire portrays the complexity of crime. Each season takes on a different societal institution (drug trade, port system, schools, politics, media) and illustrates how they intertwine, their dysfunction, and the effects on the people within them. The characters and actors in the show are unbelievable! Too bad it only lasted 5 seasons ...

#2: Rome - This show is set in Rome (duh!) during the Julius Caesar era - whenever the hell that was. I'm guessing it was some time in the BC's. It follows two Roman soldiers, Lucius Vorenus and Tito Pullo, and their participation and/or witness to major events that happened in this period. Basically, though, this show just has some hot guys and a lot of blood and guts. It doesn't get better than that! The only bad part about Rome is that there are only like 2 seasons and that kinda blows.

#3: Carnivale - This show is set during the Great Depression and is basically about a battle between good and evil. It follows two different plot lines: one is about this kid who joins a traveling carnival and the second is about this freaky preacher who has evil powers. Ok ... I didn't do the greatest job of describing it, but whatever. Just watch it. It rocks. This show only lasted for 2 seasons which really irks me because the end of the second season didn't wrap up any of the storylines. I hate when that happens.

#4: Mad Men - Drinkin', smokin', and screwin' - pretty much sums it all up. Sorry to be so blunt, but it's true. It's set in the 1960's and revolves around a bunch of ad execs and their playboy lives. It's really quite good. Me likey this show. The fourth season is coming out at the end of the month.

#5: The Sopranos - Um, duh!!!!!!!!! There's no way I could fuhhgeddaboud this show! I love the mother freakin' mob!

#6: Extras - Ricky Gervais is a comedic genius. One of the funniest shows I've ever stumbled upon!

#7: Dexter - This show gets my serial killah juices flowing! If you like cops, killers, dead people, hacked up body parts, and a little bit of suspense then you will love Dexter. Seriously, you should watch it. It's on Netflix Instant Play too, which totally rules.

#8: The Riches - Eddie Izzard is in this show!!!!! Please don't tell me you don't know who he is. Please. Don't. Do. It. If you really don't know, then you need to watch his stand up, Dressed To Kill, IMMEDIATELY. Basically, the show is about a family (Mom, Dad, three kids) of con artists. Well, there's more to it than that, but I'm getting tired of typing so just google to find out more. It's super cool, though, and also on Netflix Instant Play. Like so many other good shows cancelled too soon, this only ran for two seasons. Boooo.

#9: Dick Van Dyke Show, Mary Tyler Moore Show, and I Love Lucy - Can you say, hellooooooo Nick At Nite! I mean, really? How can you not love these shows????!!!!!

#10: The Office - Oh man, where do I even start? I have laughed through every single episode of this show, which is saying a lot since there's like 6 seasons and probably 5,000 episodes. It's hard to keep a show that funny for that long! I also used to work in a seriously warped and disturbed version of The Office, which is probably why I like it so much. (Oh the stories we can tell, right Steph?)

So, there they are. Oh sure, I'm leaving out some of my favs like True Blood, Sex and The City, Entourage, Deadwood, etc ... but I just didn't feel like doing a top 20 list. Top 10 was long enough! It's also been kinda disturbing to see how many shows I like and how much TV I must watch. Jesus H, man. Maybe I should go outside once in awhile ...

Or not.

Happy Friday everyone!

Thursday, July 8, 2010

Super Human Eyesight: Take 2 (APAD)

The 290th picture in "A Picture A Day" series.

Remember my post about super human eyesight? Well, I'm starting to believe that I really do have incredible eyesight when it comes to noticing garbage. Like the men I live with, my garbage man also has problems seeing garbage. For the past three weeks, my trash has not been picked up because the garbage man claims that he "can't see it."

Um ... really?

It's right there!!!!!!

Attention Garbage Dude: I pay you to "see" trash! So freakin' see it already!!!

What is it with men and garbage?

Wednesday, July 7, 2010

Only in Southeastern Ohio ... (APAD)

The 289th picture in "A Picture A Day" series.

"Ah, yeah ... Can I get a bag of cheetos, some laffy taffy, a pack of Dentyne Ice - the peppermint kind - and a Glock 45 with an extra clip?"

Tuesday, July 6, 2010

You've Got To Pee Kidding Me! (APAD)

The 288th picture in "A Picture A Day" series.

I learned a couple life lessons today:

(1) Be careful what you wish for. This morning, I was complaining about only having one bathroom, because everytime I have to pee, someone is always in there for like an hour. When I got home from work today, Mason introduced me to my new "bathroom" in the basement: a jug with a funnel in it. Yeah ... lovely.

(2) Sometimes it's better not to know. After looking at my new "bathroom" I looked a little closer and noticed some dried yellow spots on it. So I asked, "What was in here?" Well, apparently Mason has been using this jug to pee in for quite some time. He told me he cleaned it out just for me. Wow. How nice.


Monday, July 5, 2010

Balls to the Wall (APAD)

The 287th picture in "A Picture A Day" series.

Remember the half marathon I'm doing in October? Well, I'm in full-blown, balls to the wall training mode right now! I have two and only two goals with this half marathon: (1) I don't want to keel over mid-way through and (2) I want to be able to do this thing with some dignity - not huffing, puffing, and limping my way through it.

So far, I'm doing really well. I walk roughly 3 times a week, a minimum of 3 miles at a time. Saturdays are generally my big day, meaning I walk the most amount of miles for the week. Since it was a holiday weekend, I kinda blew off the big mileage day until today. Last week I walked 6 miles on Saturday, so today I walked 7 miles ... took me about 1-1/2 hours and I think I averaged about 12-13 minutes per mile. Not bad, really ... but it was the most God awful, miserable walk of my life. 7 miles in balls burning heat is not fun, not freakin' fun at all. I did it, though, and I'm pretty happy about it!

The only thing that pulled me through this walk from Hell was some good music ... This is my "Don't Turn Back Now!" playlist that I turn on when I'm desperate for motivation to keep walking instead of laying on the bike trail until someone calls 911 ...

Freak On A Leash - Korn

B.Y.O.B - System of a Down

Gangsta Luv - Snoop Dogg

Folsom Prison Blues - Johnny Cash

Fortunate Son - Creedance Clearwater

Hash Pipe - Weezer

Notorious Thugs - Notorious B.I.G.

Only Happy When It Rains - Garbage

Piece Of My Heart - Janis Joplin

Otherside - Red Hot Chili Peppers

Piano Man - Billy Joel

Empire State Of Mind - Jay-Z

Boom Boom - John Lee Hooker

Blaze of Glory - Jon Bon Jovi

Champagne - Cavo

Chaiyya Chaiyya - Inside Man Soundtrack

Enter Sandman - Metallica

Family Affair - Mary J. Blige

Here I Go Again On My Own - White Snake

I'm Not A Player - Capital Punishment

Icky Thump - The White Stripes

Jimi Thing - Dave Matthews

N 2gether Now - Limp Bizkit

Bebot - Black Eyed Peas

Rock Superstar - Cypress Hill

Say Hey (I Love You) - Michael Franti

Spoonman - Sound Garden

This Is How We Do It - Montell Jordan

Vertigo - U2

Whiskey In The Jar - Metallica

Only - Nine Inch Nails

Feel free to send me your workout songs ... I have a feeling I'm gonna need quite a bit of motivation this summer :) !!!!

Sunday, July 4, 2010

The 4th Dimension (APAD)

The 286th picture in "A Picture A Day" series.

Celebrating the 4th with some microbrews and microlending ...

Hoping everyone has a wonderful 4th of July!


To my fam - I wish I was riding in the Tractor Parade with you guys! Love & miss you!!

Saturday, July 3, 2010

Cashier Dude (APAD)

The 285th picture in "A Picture A Day" series.

Only in Chauncelot are you allowed to wear FBI shirts to work!

I can only assume this place doesn't have a policy against sexual harassment ... 'Cause I'm pretty sure that's a wee bit inappropriate!

Friday, July 2, 2010

Two Hours Eclipsed From My Life (APAD)

The 284th picture in "A Picture A Day" series.

Hmmmmmmmmmmmm ...

Here's my review of the third Twilight movie, Eclipse:

Bella is still a total emo.

Edward and his glittery self are creepier than ever.

Edward is all up in Bella's grill the whole time and it's super annoying.

All in all, I would choose the gum over the movie any day of the week!

Now, can someone get me a shot of True Blood please?

Screw these kiddie vamps.

Thursday, July 1, 2010

Good is Beer! (APAD)

The 283rd picture in "A Picture A Day" series.

Can't get me enough of these fine Summer Shandys on a fine summer evening!