Tonight, I went to see a movie with friends at a local International Film Fest . After enjoying some good food and a Raspberry Wheat beer, we headed over to Dogtooth.
Ummmmmmm ... HOLY CRAP BALLS!
I wish I could put into words what this movie was like, but I can't even begin to explain it. It was freaky, creepy, insane and uncomfortable to say the least. And, yes, I actually liked it.
Basically, it's about these parents that completely shelter their children from the outside world. Their house is surrounded by a tall fence and the kids have never been outside of it. Obviously, the kids are pretty effed up because of it. Their interpretation of their environment is completely twisted. For instance, they define a zombie as a yellow flower. Cats are evil and dangerous animals that will kill them if they leave the confines of their home. And, the kids actually believe their mother when she tells them that she will soon be giving birth to two children and a dog if they don't behave. For me, though, the darkest part of the movie is how sexuality and sexual urges are dealt with. I'm not even gonna go into detail about that, because you really have to watch it to appreciate how psycho it is. All I'll say is HOLY MOTHER EFFING CRAP BALLS!!
Anyway, I'm really glad I saw this movie and will definitely be going back to the Film Fest next year. If you see Dogtooth, you should definitely bring your whole family along. Good family time fun.
I totally cursed myself with yesterday's post about marijuana. How ironic that just yesterday I was discussing how it's not evil and blah, blah, blah and then today it literally made my life a living Hell. Unfortunately I can't discuss the specifics, so all I will say is: Screw you, marijuana. I hate your guts.
Today I'm sticking with a safe post on a safe topic. Something that will not curse me in the morning. So, that's why I present you with the Moon Flower.
The issue of legalizing marijuana for medicinal purposes has finally come to Ohio. A bill has been introduced in the Ohio House that would legalize pot for "registered qualifying patients." I doubt it will be passed ... Ohio won't even allow casinos to penetrate our conservative state, so I can't imagine the evils of the marijuana smoke will enter anytime soon.
I'm all for the legalization of pot. Look, I'm not a stoner. I don't smoke pot now and wouldn't even if it was legal. I just hate that we criminalize it. On a daily basis, I see the destruction that drugs cause in people's lives and, I'm sorry, pot is not one of them. If you compare a hardcore stoner with a hardcore heroin addict, you will find there really is no comparison. Pot simply does not damage lives like other drugs do. And, no one will ever be able to convince me otherwise. Although, watching Reefer Madness almost had me believing pot was evil ...If you haven't seen it, you really have to. It's awesome beyond awesome and even if you don't want to watch the whole hour just watch the foreward to the film. It's enough to having you laughing hysterically. You can watch it here.
Anyway, I'll get off my soap box.
The whole reason I'm even writing this post is because as I was reading the article about the big pot debate in our local paper, I almost died laughing when I saw what our Sheriff thinks about marijuana:
"When asked if he thought marijuana was a problem in Athens County, Kelly said his main problem with marijuana is that it's illegal."
I wonder if that came out like he meant it to? Either way, Sheriff, I agree. The biggest problem with pot IS that it's illegal. Oh - and because of that quote I actually like you a little bit.
I bet you didn't know that I'm a ghost hunter. Yes. Yes I am. I'm even part of a ghost hunting group. We call ourselves APES (Appalachian Paranormal Enthusiast Society).
Our group is made up of 6 people. We all have different roles. Me and my BFF, Stephanie, are officially known as the Child Psychology Researchers of the group. I have no idea how we even got that title or what we're supposed to be doing, but I know we're not doing it. The most Child Psychology research Steph and I have ever done was buy some baby toys at the Dollar Store before a ghost hunt ... ya know, to lure in kid ghosts. (It didn't work.) Really, Stephanie and I are in charge of having a steady supply of food and chapstick at our hunts. And, we do that job really well! I think I'm gonna advocate to have our job titles changed to Chief Sociological Officers of Logistical Coordination. It's long and sounds cool and important.
Thanks to our group leaders, our hunts are very organized and structured. We typically hunt in groups of 2 for about 45 minutes at a time. During these shifts, everyone is quiet and there is minimal movement. This is so we don't pick up each other on our video cameras or voice recorders. And, if something weird happens we can go through a process of elimination to determine what it might be. So far, we've done several hunts and never seen a ghost. Never felt a ghost. Never even heard a ghost ... although we did pick up a weird fart sound on one of the video cameras. It figures that we would be the group to pick up a farting ghost!
Anyway, I love ghost hunting. It's super fun and we always have a great time, even though we never find anything. We haven't been on any hunts in awhile and I'm dying to go. So, if anyone knows any cool haunted places send them my way!
As I was playing Frisbee with my dogs today, I realized that I never returned my census form.
After looking high and low for it this afternoon, I can't find it. I'm pretty sure I threw it away. Normally I wouldn't care, but (1) I want to fill out the census so I can procrastinate a little longer from exercising and (2) The census people will stalk me if I don't return it. I really don't want them knocking on my door and asking me a bunch of questions. Annoying!
Can you request a new form or submit one online? Anyone? Help me procrastinate. Save me from the door knockers.
I shot my first gun today! For some reason, I was really nervous about it, but Mason and my BFF's coaxed me through it. I shot off about 20 rounds and actually hit the target a couple of times! Not bad for my first time, eh?
Now I can bust a cap in yo' ass if ya mess wit me, ya hear?!
After I grew some balls and finally shot guns, I came home and decided to try out some new recipes. I've been reading a blog called Oh She Glows and there's a ton of healthy recipes on there that I've been wanting to try. (Angela, the blog creator, is also the mastermind behind the Green Monsters I've been drinking.) I made the Parsnip Fries and Spicy Black Bean Burgers.
Prior to tonight, I had never seen or eaten a parsnip before. So, when I went to the grocery store to pick some up I was a little scared when I saw what it actually looked like.
Come on! That thing is freaky and gross looking! Tiffany was scared too, because when I texted her the picture, she replied with "Eeeewwwwwww." But, I went ahead with the recipe anyway because Angela said on her blog that "these fries will change your life!" How could I possibly pass up a life changing event??
•3 medium parsnips, peeled and cut into thin fry-like strips
•1 Tbsp almond butter
•2 Tbsp chunky peanut butter
•1 Tbsp extra virgin olive oil
•1/2 tsp fine grain sea salt
Preheat oven to 400F. Peel and cut parsnips into fry-like strips. Mix together the nut butters, olive oil, and salt in a bowl. Toss parsnips in bowl until coated. Line up on baking pan and cook at 400F for 30-50 minutes until crisp.
I cooked them for about 40 minutes and they were a little soggy, so I probably should have left them in for longer. As for the taste, they were OK. Parsnips have an interesting flavor that I liked. The peanut buttery sauce also tasted good. I just think they were a little too sweet and desserty for me. I like my fries salty. I'd definitely make parsnip fries again, maybe just with a saltier and spicier sauce.
•1/4 cup whole wheat flour (I had to use more flour than this, probably about 2 Tbsp. more.)
•fresh black pepper
•1 garlic clove
•2 tsp. EVOO
•2 Tbsp Tipsy Whiskey BBQ Sauce (I used 2 Tbsp. of Worcestershire's Sauce instead)
Mash everything together, shape into patties, and brown. (This was supposed to make 4burgers, but I only got 3 out of it.)
I loved these! They tasted soooooo good. Even Mason thought they were OK, which is a big deal because usually he chokes on most of my healthy recipe attempts and says, "Um, yeah, that's good if you LIKE EATING THE EARTH!" I would definitely make these again.
Sooooooo, other than my recipes, there's not much new in Chauncelot. Well, I guess there was some excitement a few days ago when a trailer on my block was raided in a drug bust. Unfortunately, I wasn't home to engage in the excitement or snag any pics ... just my crappy luck! I also haven't seen Albert since he tried to kidnap my dogs :( Yep. Things have been quiet lately. Luckily, though, I live in Chauncelot and things never stay that way for long!
I accidentally left my pups outside by themselves for like an hour today. When I finally realized something was wrong - my house was just wayyyy too calm and peaceful - I ran to the back door, certain they had run away, and found them waiting patiently to be let in.
Awwwwwwwww. They really do love me.
Now I kinda feel bad about all those times I wished they really would run away!
It's official! I will be participating in my first ever Nike Run Like A Girl half marathon! Tiffany and I entered the random drawing and we were picked. So, it looks like I'm headed to San Francisco in October :)
The half marathon is just over 13 miles. YIKES! I will be walking, not running. (I have big boobs and I've learned that big boobs and running don't mix.) The problem is, though, I have never walked 13 miles. Never even attempted it, so I'm really intimidated. The most I have ever walked at one time was last summer when I walked 5 miles on a nearby bike path. I pretty much thought I was gonna die afterward, so I really have a lot of training to do. I figure, though, even if I pass out during the marathon or die or run to the first restaurant I see and just gorge myself instead of walk, at least I tried!
I have until October 17th to get my ass into gear and I'm hoping I can do it!
Zeus was awesome. Zeus' outfit was awesome. Hades was awesome. Medusa was awesome. The Kraken was awesome. Perseus was awesome. The brief appearance of the owl was awesome. The Stygian Witches were awesome. Charon, the Boatman of the River Styx, was awesome. Io was awesome. Pegasus was awesome. All in all, I thought it was awesome.
If you've seen the original Clash of the Titans, don't expect this movie to be anything like it. Everything from the storyline to the visual effects are different. Claymation rocks, but 3D is definitely better!
Sooooo, if you're into fantasy, sci-fi, or Greek mythology, I think you'll really like this movie too. Definitely see it at the theater if you can!
I thought the Farmer's Almanac would be cooler than it is. I guess I was expecting it to make me a Super Weather Freak, but really I haven't learned much about weather. So far, I've learned what the Golden Rule is in all the different faiths, the miraculous uses of vinegar, how to hard boil an egg "the right way," and "Famous Last Words."
I actually really enjoyed the Famous Last Words section. Winston Churchill is my favorite. His last words were, "I'm bored with it all." (Word. Me too, Winston.) Oh, I also liked Henry David Thoreou's last words: "Moose .... Indian ...." (Dude ... you're ... crazy!)
For me, the best part of the Almanac is the classifieds section. After reading the classifieds, I realized that I've gone through 29 years of life never knowing that the answers to my prayers were only a phone call away! For instance...
There's DIANA THE HEALING SPECIALIST. She removes evil spells.
BROTHER ROY does something with healing oils and guarantees success!!
SISTER DOREEN removes evil spells too, but she tops DIANA because she also "solves all problems."
Then, there's the VOODOO WOMAN who, obviously, conducts voodoo spells. You can get a special package for only $75.
MOTHER THOMPSON will help you claim your destiny. But, she also says in her ad that she was "born with a veil," so I'm a little leary of her.
Then there is PEACHES, a spiritual love doctor. She not only reunites lost lovers, but also removes bad luck. AND, she'll give you a "free reading!"
Finally, there is SISTER CHEROKEE. Sister Cherokee claims to be a "gifted indian reader," who can give good luck, blessings and guidance. But, then she ends her ad by saying that she's "from Egypt." Ummmmmmmmmmm. I think she's confused on her ancestry. I don't trust her one bit. Can you say, PHONY?!
You probably noticed that I forgot to include their phone numbers ... Sorry to tell ya, but I didn't forget. It was on purpose! You see, right now, I'm one step ahead of all of you, non-Almanac owners ... I have the power to be AWESOME with just one phone call! And, I'm not giving that crap up for free. So, if you want the power to be AWESOME you have two options:
(1) Go buy a cool Almanac
(2) Call me, SISTER DANIELLE. MID-WESTERN BORN SPIRITUALIST. BORN WITH CRAZY-EYE, BUT HAS PHONE NUMBERS OF POWERFUL HEALERS. FIRST THREE DIGITS IN EACH PHONE NUMBER FREE. CALL NOW 555-3333.
I always said I wasn't going to play any of those Facebook games. Ya know the ones: Farmville, Restaurant City, Mafia Wars, etc. So far, I've successfully resisted. But, how can I resist a game involving zombies?
Yes, this is my latest addiction.
Once I saw the free Zombie Farm app for my iphone, I knew I was a goner. And, I'm gone. Gone to Zombieland.
*(If you don't know who Albert is, you can read about him here and here.)*
After I got home from work today, I took the dogs outside and they were running around playing while I chatted on the phone with Tiffany. There were a bunch of kids playing in a yard across the alley from me and I noticed that a couple of them, Albert being one, had come over into my yard and were petting the dogs. I really wasn't paying that much attention, though, because I was trying to talk to Tiffany and tell her something that required a lot of concentration ... Ok, well, not really. I just wasn't paying attention. So, anyway, then I look out in the yard and see Albert and a girl, who I think is his younger sister, walking my dogs away on leashes!!!!!! WTH! I say to Tiffany, "Let me call you back." And, then yell "Hey, what are you doing?" to Albert and this girl. They look back at me, but just keep walking. So, now I'm power walking to try and catch up with the dog-nappers. I find them in somebody's yard and Albert is feeding Madge and Hilde corn dogs. WTH!!
So, here's my conversation with Albert:
Me: "Um, why did you take my dogs."
Albert: "Cause they wanted to goes with me."
Me: "I don't care, Albert. You can't just take my dogs. You're not allowed over anymore."
Albert: "But I gives them a cohn dawg."
Me: "I don't care."
Me: "DON'T DO IT AGAIN!!"
So, I take Madge and Hilde back home. Call Tiffany and finish my conversation. We go inside. I make dinner, eat, clean up, and take the dogs back outside. And then, I see the bouquet. A bouquet of three little dandelions left on my back porch.
Although they were left anonymously, I suspect they were left by Albert. I mean, who else would pick a bouquet of weeds for me?
Now I feel really bad that I banned him from my yard, especially since my yard was the last one in all of Chauncelot he hadn't been banned from.
SIGH. SIGH. SIGH.
Albert made my icy heart melt just a little. And, of course, I'm lifting the damn ban.
To all my frugal friends - I have another recipe for you!
If you don't already make your own hummingbird and oriole nectar, you should. It's cheap and easy and attracts the birds just as well as the store bought stuff.
You will need white sugar and water. Combine 4 parts water to 1 part sugar. Boil. Then let it cool and fill your feeders! Any excess can be stored in the fridge. You don't need to add red food coloring either. As long as there is red on the feeder itself, hummingbirds will come!
I use the same nectar recipe for my orange oriole feeder. I've read, though, that the oriole nectar should be 6 parts water to 1 part sugar. I don't think it matters, since orioles will try to feed from hummingbird feeders too. It's just easier for me to use the same nectar.
Another cheap trick for attracting orioles, is to put out some grape jelly. I have a flat bird feeder stand and I set a plate on top of it with a couple spoonfuls of grape jelly. Robins and cardinals also seem to like it!
It's probably a little early for hummingbird feeders, but I plan to put out my oriole feeder this weekend. I'm not really sure what their migration schedule is, but even if it's too soon I figure it can't hurt!
In a pursuit to find a "healthy" beer, Mason bought this "only 55 calories (!)" stuff a couple weeks ago. I finally tried it tonight ... and ... it's the NASTIEST beer I've ever had. It's like drinking a bottle of water with a couple drops of beer in it. Yuck.
Kids ruin lives. Oh wait, I didn't mean that. I meant they ruin things. THINGS! Not lives.
I love kids.
The above pictures are only two of about a thousand things of mine that have been ruined by children. My brand new dryer is now marred in ink stains. Yay! And, I came home today to find the new hole in my bathroom wall.
I love kids. I really, really love them.
Love 'em? Hate 'em? Sick of them ruining your sh$t?! Check out shitmykidsruined.com Like they say, it's therapeutic.
One thing about living in Chauncelot, is that the police are a daily occurence. A day without hearing a siren or seeing a cruiser driving by is a rarity in my neck of the woods. Normally, I'm fine with it. This past week, however, it has been really bothersome. From what I gather, my next door neighbors are having custody issues. So, they call the police every chance they get and lately it has been almost daily.
My irritation doesn't come from the police visit to the neighbors ... that I kinda enjoy. I sit on the back porch, relax, sip my wine, and listen to drama that has nothing to do with me. I know it's wrong, but I do gain some small satisfication knowing that people have more dysfunctional lives than I do!
My irritation comes from the police officer who chooses to park across my driveway instead of on the street which has plenty of parking. He totally blocks me in for at least 45 minutes. Now, it's not like I have anywhere to go. Remember ... I'm sitting on the porch drinking wine and listening to the drama. It's just the point of what if I did? What if I did have to go somewhere and I couldn't 'cause Mr. Police Man parked right behind me?
Have some respect dude!
On another note, I've identified a new Chauncelot character I will be unveiling once I get her picture, which will hopefully be soon. For now, though, I will just leave you with her name ... Scratch 'N Sniff.
I'm pretty sure I've mentioned before that I love going on the App Store and obsessively finding and downloading new apps for my iphone. Typically, I stick to the free ones, since I hate paying money for something I probably won't like that much anyway.
Well, last week I typed in "RELAXATION" and found this hypnosis app. According to the app info, this guy, Andrew Johnson, hypnotizes you into a state of relaxation. After reading all the stellar reviews, I was still skeptical, but decided to go ahead and get it since it was on sale for .99 cents. And, since I've been having trouble falling asleep I'm pretty much willing to try anything at this point!
I started using this hypnosis app on Sunday and have used it every night since, right before bed. Basically, Andrew Johnson talks to you, in his Scottish accent, and says "Breathe in relaxation. Breathe out tension." Then, "Imagine you're at the top of a staircase. At the bottom is relaxation. With each step, you move closer to relaxation." Yada, yada, yada.
I think the whole thing is only about 20 minutes, but I have never made it all the way through. I only ever get to the part where I reach relaxation at the bottom of the staircase, but have no idea what comes next! That app seriously knocks me out. Every night, I wake up anywhere between midnight and two in the morning with my earbuds still in my ear, drool on my pillow, and this weird feeling of being disoriented. Last night, I didn't even remember where I was and how I had gotten into bed! It's the weirdest thing, but it definitely helps me sleep.
I really don't know if this guy is actually hypnotizing me or if my body has just gotten so tired that I'm back on my regular sleep cycle again?? Either way I haven't been disappointed with it.
The app is titled POSITIVITY if anyone decides to check it out. I think it's back up to it's regular price of $2.99, though. Just wait until it goes back on sale before you buy it.
For the past couple of days, I've been tasting really bizarre things in my food. Yesterday, I ate a brownie that tasted like a steak. Today, I had a bratwurst for dinner and it tasted just like lavender. No one else thought so. Just me.
The past month or so has been incredibly stressful for me. Only those very close to me know that I could potentially have a major mental breakdown at any given time. So, I'm wondering if my stress is affecting my taste buds or if I'm developing some kind of serious mental illness.
I'm scared ...
... but also intrigued.
You see, the weird thing is that, even though my bratwurst tasted like lavender and it really grossed me out, I just kept eating them. I ate TWO lavender tasting brats. Now, seriously. You have to admit that something must be wrong with me!
Today was a lovely, lovely day. Unfortunately, I spent most of my day indoors, but the brief period outside was glorious. I spent time playing with my dogs, admiring all of my budding plants, pulling some weeds ... And, enjoying the sounds of Chauncelot, including a dog fight, screaming, breaking glass, and sirens. Ahhhh. Spring is here!