I like to believe my Neti Pot has magical powers. That perhaps, one day, just as I put the spout in my nostril a gigantic booger genie will appear and grant my every wish.
In anticipation of this event, I decided to begin a wish list. See, I can be very forgetful and when the booger genie appears I don't want to be at a loss and wish for something stupid like world peace. I mean, who would want to waste a wish on that?
So, booger genie, wherever you are, here's my list:
1. Ten feet of snow so I don't have to go to work for at least a week.
2. A collapsible escalator that fits in my purse so I never have to walk up stairs again.
3. My own plane with a pilot named Xerxes and a steward named Surge.
4. Vacation homes in Minnesota and California.
5. Cokes with Santas on them year round.
6. A true doppelganger that can do all my dirty work.
7. A pink machine gun with Hello Kitty painted on the stock.
8. A fast metabolism.
9. Heart-shaped brass knuckles.
10. A never ending supply of Atomic Fireballs.
11. A toilet with a bidet.
12. Free Grand Slam breakfasts at Denny's everyday!
13. Patron Margaritas, no more cheap stuff.
14. A handicap parking sticker.
15. 1,000 Gnome figurines for my front and back lawns.
16. A dog that isn't mentally ill.
17. That Ninja Turtles really do exist. And, that Splinter never died.
18. I was related to Christopher Lloyd, Hugh Hefner, and Oprah.
19. The 2011 Super Bowl Halftime Show includes performances by Vanilla Ice, Snow, LFO, New Kids on the Block, and Debbie Gibson.
Ok, I'll be nice.
My 20th wish would be that all of my bestest friends got a magical booger genie as well!