It's official ... the Chauncelot citizens are banding together to create our very own Chauncelot Police Force, or vigilante group, or militia - whatever you want to it call it. The article states, "Villagers have been complaining for months about the increase in crime since the Chauncelot Police Department was disbanded in August 2008." Ehem. Allow me to clarify ... the Chauncelot Police Department consisted of one police officer. A chief and an officer all in one body. Thus, I find it very difficult to believe that crime has increased as dramatically as the article and some mullet-wearing citizens may lead you to believe. Further, this one lone cop was involved in some shady activity that allegedly included crack cocaine and sleeping with our former Mayor. So if crime has indeed "increased" perhaps its because the former cop was too busy doing other things, if you know what I mean.
Anyway, the article goes on to say that there's going to be a meeting tonight to elect officers and formalize the band of volunteers that will begin patrolling the Chauncelot streets. (Apparently, the city doesn't have enough money to pay someone $10/hr to be Police Chief.) Needless to say, I was stoked. As soon I as I got home from work, I pulled together my policing gear: a headlamp, a walkie-talkie, a face mask from a hospital, some latex gloves, and an old Halloween wig that I'm considering giving a mullet-style hair cut.
Yep ... I was all ready to fight Chauncelot crime until I began gorging on Chinese food. Now, I'm sitting on my couch with a full belly and finishing my second glass of wine, missing a lifetime opportunity to fight crime. Really, though, I just wanted to join the force so I could patrol my own street ... I don't want Mason being placed under Citizen's Arrest for public urination, which he is known to engage in. That would just be soooooo embarassing.