Thursday, December 30, 2010

You, Mii, Wii


I'm back from Minnesota, so now I will finally get back to my regular blogging schedule. I sincerely apologize for my absence. (I know you all missed my bloggy posts!)

The trip home was awesome. The trip back was a long one ... it went well until we were about 1 minute away from home and then got pulled over by a State Trooper. Sigh. Amazing that we drove 15-20 miles over the speed limit for almost 800 miles and then got stopped within spitting distance of our house! But, the Super Trooper was indeed super because he let us off with just a warning!!!!!!!!!!!! Thank you Trooper Whoever You Are.

Today, I picked my pups up from the kennel. They barked and howled the entire way home then ran in circles around the yard for about a half an hour. Pretty sure they were happy to be released from dog prison! (Little do they know they'll be headed back in a couple of months.) I also unpacked, cleaned, reorganized, made some to do lists, filled bird feeders, went shopping, stopped at Starbucks, danced, cleaned my ears, took out the trash ...

And now, I'm exercising with my brand new Wii and Wii fit.

Well ... I'm exercising while eating Peanut M&M's. But, I'm drinking a Diet Coke so I'm pretty sure it all evens out. Anyway, I gotta get back to my Rhythm Kung Fu session so I'll check ya lata!!!

Monday, December 27, 2010

Nothin' like a pair of good ol' Minn-ah-SOLES ...


You may call these boots. But in Minnesota ...  

 

We call them slippers!

Friday, December 24, 2010

minn-ah-SNOW-da


Sorry about my blogging hiatus. I really meant to blog, but then things got CRAY-zee with Christmas shopping, packing, and the loooooonnnnggggg drive to the lands in the North ... (Check out that snow!) ...

But, here I am!!!!

Last night, I surprised Elli-bells with an early Christmas present ... ME!


As you can see, she totally loved it!

Today, I'm finishing up shopping for last minute stocking stuffers, baking cookies with my Momma, wrapping presents, and stuffin' my face fulla food!

YAY!!!

Merry Christmas y'all

Monday, December 20, 2010

And it's cloudy ...

Tonight, (well really early tomorrow morning) there's going to be a total eclipse of the heart moon. What is totally awesome about this eclipse is that not only is it a total eclipse, but it coincides with the Winter Solstice! Very, very cool.

For us Eastern time people, you should set your alarms for about 2:30am and start watching the moon ... it should be in full contact with Earth's shadow around this time. The moon will be all glowy red and cool.

The big friggin' unfortunate part about all this is ...

IT'S CLOUDY HERE!

What. The. Hell.

It's been over 400 years since this has happened and it's gotta be freakin' cloudy.

Whatev. I'm still setting my alarm in the hopes that the clouds part for a brief moment!

And ...

You should too!

Saturday, December 18, 2010

Bottom 10


Hilde and I have been listening to Christmas music most of the day ... Unfortunately, many of the songs we've heard have now been added to my "That song is banned from my ears FOREVER" list. Thoughtful as I am, I thought I'd shared my bah-humbugler list with you :)

Just Say "No" to this Playlist:
  1. Dominick the Donkey by Someone
  2. Little Drummer Boy by (Ummmm) Someone Else
  3. Grandma Got Run Over By A Reindeer by Yet Some Other Person
  4. Anthing sung by Alvin & The Chipmunks
  5. I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus by Jimmy Boyd (Worse song ever!!!!!!!!)
  6. Anything by Wham .... (I've never heard of them, but Mason insists they're awful. Lisa - Mason says "Hi")
  7. Silent Night by Anyone (Um, so don't shoot me for this one 'cause I know alot of people like it ... but it's a total snore fest. Just wake me when it's over, OK?)
  8. O Come All Ye Faithful by Whoever (Even though I love A Very Brady Christmas and watch it religiously each year, The Brady's have ruined the song for me. *SPOILER ALERT* At the very end of the movie, Mike gets trapped in an architectural accident and it isn't until he hears Carol and the rest of the Brady's singing O Come All Ye that he is able to muster the strength to pull himself out. One of the cheesiest, heart wrenching and undeniably pathetic moments in TV history.)
  9. Christmas Shoes by Newsong (Uhhhh, have you heard it?)
  10. Who Took The Merry Out of Christmas by Donny Osmond (Um. There are no words to describe ...)

Thursday, December 16, 2010

Three Things I Hate:

(1) Nasty computer infections.

I didn't post yesterday, because somehow my laptop was freakin' infected with this System Tool 2011 virus. Major ugh-ness. I spent all night trying to manually remove it and I think I finally did. (And, no, I don't look at porn either so I have no idea how I got it!)

(2) Large tonsils.

I have huge tonsils and I hate them.

(3) Small pieces of popcorn.

I have had a small piece of popcorn caught in my giganto tonsils all day and I cannot get it out. I have tried gargling massive amounts of water, sticking my fingers down my throat trying to dislodge it, and just now I jabbed a dental tool at my tonsils trying to move them around and I think I did some damage because it's swollen now.

Frak me.

Monday, December 13, 2010

Bad Science


That is supposed to be a sun.

Can't you tell?

Ok, so I know it's the worst looking freakin' sun out there, but I did not have the patience to make a realistic looking sun that's 30 inches in diameter!!!! So, instead, I used my yoga ball wrapped it in 4 rolls of bubble wrap, wrapped two blankets around that and then finished it off with a yellow rain coat.

After seeing my creation, I think the kid regrets asking me to help him with his physics project. (I can't imagine why.)

But, maybe ...

He'll never ask for my help again!

Or, if he does, I'll just remind him of the awesome sun I once created that totally didn't embarass him at all.

(Muahahahaha)

Yes, I'm mean. And, no, I don't care.

(FYI - Don't ever pick the "easy" project of doing a scale model of the solar system, because it's hard and sucks ass.)

Saturday, December 11, 2010

Holiday Spirit



Be sure to go to keenansroom.com for more awesomeness!

I love this kid!!

Thursday, December 9, 2010

Inquiring Minds


So, I want to know: What kind of a bed-maker are you?

Do you ...

A) Make your bed in the morning.

B) Make your bed right before going to bed.

C) Don't make your bed at all.

E) None of the above.

Personally, I'm a right before bed bed-maker. I never, ever make my bed in the morning after getting up, because I'm way to lazy for all that and no one looks in my room anyway. So, what's the point?

However, I always end up making my bed every night right before I get in it. I cannot fall asleep with all the sheets and blankets twisted and wrapped around each other from the night before. I need everything nice, neat, and comfy. So, my bed always looks great for about 30 seconds each night before I climb in and mess it all up again!

Soooooo, what kind of a bed-maker are you???

Tuesday, December 7, 2010

Sunday, December 5, 2010

Finally!


It may only be a dusting but at least it's SNOW!!!!!!!!!!!!

And, as the little snow flakes fall, I'm watching New York, I Love You, which, oddly enough, has me completely engrossed. I'm also eating these 7 Layer Bars that I made earlier. I'm not sure if I like them or hate them and yet I've eaten half a pan. They are just so disgustingly delightful.

Happy Weekend-END everyone! I'm so sad it's almost Monday already :(

Friday, December 3, 2010

Rock on


Hill night? Will night? Kill night? Spill night? Fill night? Mill night? Till night? Zill night? Yill night? Bill night? Gill night? Nill night? Chill night! Finally got it right.

It's frickin' Friday, yo!!!!

Hope y'all are chillaxin' it :)

Wednesday, December 1, 2010

Real.Life.Stories.3.



"Old lady caught stealing at a store in our airport. Taken away in handcuffs. I guess old people can do bad things. My guess is that's why they get patted down at security checkpoints like the rest of us."

(Read more of my brother's emails here.)

Monday, November 29, 2010

How you doin'?



Mighty fine now that I have a belly full of brownies!


My favorite brownies:

1 stick of butter
1 cup of sugar
4 eggs
1 cup flour
16 ounces of Hershey's syrup

Mix everything together and bake at 350 degrees for 30-35 minutes in a 9x13 pan.

The frosting!

6 Tbsp butter
6 Tbsp milk
1-1/2 cups sugar
6 ounce bag semi-sweet chocolate chips

Bring butter, milk, sugar to a rolling boil. Remove from heat and add chocolate chips. Beat until ready to spread on warm brownies.

Enjoy!

Saturday, November 27, 2010

run on and all together


soihavetotellyouthatmypecanpieactuallyturnedoutreallyreallygooditlookedhardandnastybutitwasperfectionthemostexcitingpartofmydaytodaywasanadventuretothedollarstorewhereidiscoveredthattheynowhaveafrozenfoodssectioniboughtlotsoffrozendollarlovelinessialsostoppedatstarbucksandhelpedmyselftomynewfavoritedrinkpepperminthotchocolatethenicamehomeexercisedandstartedputtingupchristmasdecorationsthekidisgoingtomarinebootcamptomorrowwhichistotallyweirdwhenithinkaboutitsowewenttoourlastfamilydinnerforawhileofchinesefoodihadgeneraltaoschickenwithwontonsoupokillseeyoulaterhopeyouhaveagoodnight

Thursday, November 25, 2010

From Scratch, Love Danielle

If you've followed my previous Chauncelot Fine Dining Menus (Part Un, Part Deux), read any of my crockpot posts (Uno, Dos ), or saw what we eat when the cupboards are empty (Eins, Zwei) then you know that, for the most part, I'm all about canned, boxed, or suppppeeerrrr easy meals.

Well, not for Thanksgiving!

Even though Thanksgiving is my least favorite holiday, I love my family so much that I go all out and make everything from scratch.

Do they appreciate my love?

Of course not, but that's OK with me ... I can hold a grudge like nobody and you betta believe I'll use this against them for the next, oh, year or so :)

So, here's the Chauncelot Thanksgiving 2010 Menu:


Ok, well the turkey isn't from scratch. I bought it from the store, hormone-filled and all. I hate turkey so I didn't partake, but everyone said it was good.


Homemade Stuffing: AWESOME.

There's ham in the background! Yeah, we had ham too, but I didn't take a picture ... It was fab! And, not from scratch. And, not organic ... it was cured with a "solution."


Garlic and Romano Cheese Mashed Potatos: Simply amazing.


My homemade rolls turned out purrrfect!


Don't playa hate on my green bean casserole, OK? I love this stuff!


Dutch Apple Pie with homemade crust: Yummmmmmmmmmm.


Pumpkin Pie with homemade crust: Da bomb (or so I was told ... I don't do anything pumpkin.)


Pecan Pie with homemade crust: Massive failure. I don't know what happened, but it doesn't look normal. And, it's rock hard. Oops.


Cheap Red Wine: Always good.

An empty sink: Rock on.


Food Coma: Yes, please!

Now, I'm off to scour the Black Friday Ads and see what tomorrow (early) morning brings!

Happy Thanksgiving :)))

Tuesday, November 23, 2010

Real. Life. Stories. 2. By - My Brother

My plea to all future airline passengers - Just go through the friggin' full body scanner and save my brother from having to pat down your nasty ass.

"I wAs advising this guy that I would be patting him down and he replied "as long as your not a homosexual, and I know your not a homosexual so its ok." Then I was patting his legs down and he said "I have to fart!" He proceeds to run five steps forward and jumps in to a semi squat saying" I have to fart. I knew your face was down there and so I didn t want to fart." This is what kinda people I see all the time."

(You can read my brother's first email here.)

Sunday, November 21, 2010

Oopsies.

Um, crap ... today was not a good day for the Lord to be watching me with those creeper eyes. I probably won't get anything for Christmas now. Or, wait, is that Santa? I always get confused about who I'm supposed to be good for ...

Friday, November 19, 2010

Happy Hours

Grab your BFF and head to Starbucks between 2pm and 5pm for their buy one, get one dealio. It ends Sunday, so you best be gettin' your heinies there tomorrow and then again on Sunday!

Can you decipher the barista's scribbles and tell me what hot beverage I enjoyed this afternoon?????? You'll win something really cool if you get it right.

Wednesday, November 17, 2010

Mmmmmm, Mmmmmm, Gooooood.

I don't care what anyone says ... Hominy is da bombiny.

(And, yes, I did eat it straight out of the can.)

Monday, November 15, 2010

Real. Life. Stories. By - My Brother.

My brother is awesome!

I've decided to start publishing his emails to me, because they're not normal emails like "Hi, how are you? I'm fine, blah, blah." They're AWESOME emails about random stuff that happens to him everyday. Here's the most recent one:

"Tina and i were riding up this long escalator this morning heading to work. This Guy turns around in front of us ands tells us "...I just want you to know I have to fart. I have to fart." We didn't acknowledge him or react in anyway. I think he wanted us to talk to him. Then he said " I guess I don't have to fart." He turned and that was it. Weirdo"

Saturday, November 13, 2010

That which follows Friday and precedes Sunday.

A 70-freakin-degree Saturday!

I spent most of my day hiking ...

Yeah, I was only planning on hiking for an hour or so and then I took the wrong trail, got super freakin' lost, and ended up in the woods for about 4 hours until I found my way out - just before dark. Was a killer workout! No, really. I thought I was gonna die several times ...

Thankfully, though, my BFF Steph motivated me to find my way outta the woods by texting me with promises of beer and pizza should I ever return. I ran like hell when I heard those beautiful words!

And, beer and pizza we most certainly had! Although, the beer-drinkin' dog we partied with tonight drank most of my last one. I can't blame him though ... Blue Moon Winter Abbey Ale is da bomb!

Now, I'm ending my night eating soybeans, drinking Life Water, and seriously considering beginning a marathon of my DVR'd 16 and Pregnant episodes.

Goodnight, my friends.

Thursday, November 11, 2010

I.


am. in. love.

Tuesday, November 9, 2010

I'm Coco-nuts!


I simply can't help it.

My inner-hippie loves coconut oil!

I first heard about the health benefits of coconut oil on the news, but I read more about it here (and some other places I can't recall anymore). I haven't actually tried cooking with it yet, but I have been using it for about three weeks now as a ...

FACIAL MOISTURIZER!

I really love it. And, it won't make you break out ... supposedly it helps eliminate acne blemishes and is great for anyone suffering from eczema or dermititis. So far, it's working better than any moisturizer I've used before! It's also fairly inexpensive. I paid $10 for the jar above and it will last me months I'm sure.

Coconut oil comes in a solid form, so if you decide to try it out as a moisturizer you will need to heat it up so that it melts a bit. What I did was put a couple spoonfuls of it in a small glass jar to store in my bathroom. Every night before I put it on, I let hot water run against the jar to melt some of the oil. Works perfect! One of the cons about using coconut oil versus a regular moisturizer, though, is that your skin will look and be greasy after you put it on ... it takes a bit for it to absorb. For me, it works out OK, because I always watch TV for a while before going to sleep anyway, so once my head hits the pillow the oil is absorbed!

Sunday, November 7, 2010

The Podunk Carry-Out


I is super excited about the chocolates!

Friday, November 5, 2010

30 Reasons Why ...


I hate wearing winter coats:
  1. They are bulky.
  2. They are uncomfortable.
  3. They suffocate me.
  4. My armpits get super sweaty wearing them, no matter how cold it might be.
  5. Most of the time, they are unnecessary. No one has gotten hypothermia walking from their car into Walmart.
  6. They do not accentuate my large breasts.
  7. They constrict movement.
  8. My purse never stays on my shoulder when wearing one.
  9. They make me feel fat.
  10. The collar itches my neck.
  11. They make driving difficult.
  12. I always have trouble finding my chapstick when wearing a jacket. I don't know why.
  13. They make me crabby.
  14. My wool one collects dog hair.
  15. I hate the velcro wrist thingys on my Columbia one.
  16. My down jacket makes me feel like I'm in sauna. (I really freakin' hate that one.)
  17. They are expensive.
  18. I always end up zipping up a strand of my hair or part of whatever sweater I'm wearing.
  19. I think jackets are oppressive.
  20. There is nothing sociological about them.
  21. They don't impress me much.
  22. The movie Full Metal Jacket wasn't really about a jacket.
  23. Waste of fabric.
  24. I truly believe Winter jackets have been at the root cause of many wars.
  25. Jesus never wore one. 
  26. But, I bet Hitler did and who'd wanna be like him?
  27. They make my eyes water.
  28. I hate them.
  29. They make me feel bad about myself.
  30. I enjoy being cold.

Wednesday, November 3, 2010

SOS


Did I tell you I gave up coffee? Yeah ... Sadly, I did. I love coffee with all my heart, but I think it makes me crazy. And, it upsets my stomach. So, here I am ... coffee-less.

Even without coffee, I'm still crazy, but life without a tummy ache is pretty dang nice. The problem is, though, I cannot for the life of me find a hot beverage that equals the wonderfulness of coffee. And, with cold weather approaching this has become quite a problem.

Sure, I like ginger tea, but not enough to drink it everyday. And, every other kind of tea that I've tried is just ... blah. Bottom line: Hot tea doesn't get me hot (and bothered).

I wouldn't mind drinking iced tea everyday. I do love it unsweetened, especially Tazo's passion tea. (Yummmmmmmmmmm.) But, iced tea in icy weather certainly won't help to warm my innards.

So, I am in search of a hot beverage that rivals coffee in it's smell, taste, and ability to soothe one's soul.

Help me. Please.

Monday, November 1, 2010

The Last Outlaw Family


This is a great documentary.

The bonus? It's produced by one of my main men, Johnny Knoxville!

The double bonus? It's on Netflix Instant Play!!

FYI - there's nudity, drug use, hillbillies, and a bunch of foul language, so don't watch it if your panties are all in a bunch ...

Sunday, October 31, 2010

Happy Samhain!

It's Samhain and I couldn't be happier! I hope you all have something nefarious planned for the day ... Me? I will be doing wickedly fun things like cutting back my garden, making chili, watching the Vikes, and later, satisfying my thirst for blood with a little Dexter. My friend Stephanie and I engaged in all sorts of evil activities last night, so I'm using Samhain as my day to rest and restore!

Last night, Steph and I hung out with our buds JT and TT. JT made us all sorts of wonderful whore-day-overs hor d'oeuvres and I wanted to share with you one of his recipes, perfect for your Samhain get-togethers ...

JT's Samhain Snausages

What you will need:
Can of Vienna sausages
Can of Easy Cheese
A straw


First, take the straw and poke a hole through each sausage.


Then, suck out the sausage center, but I would suggest keeping this part of the recipe to yourself ... might gross your guests out to know you were sucking on their sausages. (Muhahahahaha!)


Next, fill with Easy Cheese.


And, there you have it. Your snausage-fest is complete! I recommend digging in quickly before you start thinking about what you're eating and totally gross yourself out!!

A wickedly wrong and yet disgustingly delightful Samhain treat.

Thursday, October 28, 2010

Trick O' Chauncelot-Treat!


Tonight was trick or treating night in Chauncelot ... Weird, right? In Minnesota we always went trick or treating ON HALLOWEEN!! Doesn't really matter, though, because a Chauncelot Halloween is always entertaining no matter when it occurs!

Check out Albert above. He actually had a Halloween costume this year!! Normally, he just dresses up as Albert, so I'm kinda thinking he stole the costume from someone else. He was very polite, said thank you, and even said, "Happy How-ween. Eat da candy."

Awwwwwww.


At one point, Mason and I were looking at the people coming and Mason said, "Look that kid's wearing his Dad's coal mining outfit." Then we looked closer ... "Oh, wait. That is Dad."

Yep.

Full-grown freakin' man out trick or treating. Dude, you're a loser. (I gave him the barfy banana-flavored Laffy Taffy.)



Even Naschair made it out for the festivities!!!!! We don't know exactly what she was doing, but she kept riding up and down the street, while her freakishly tall boyfriend walked beside her.

Unfortunately, I didn't capture all of the Chauncelot dysfunction on camera - like the trick or treating newborns or the prostitutes mothers dressed up like sexy bunnies, french maids, and one in a freaky bondage costume - but, nevertheless, my memories of it are priceless!

I love Chauncelot!

Tuesday, October 26, 2010

Questions for Dashboard Jesus


My Dashboard Jesus gets around. Sometimes, He's in my car ... other times other places ... but, tonight He sits in a plant in my kitchen window.

I like Dashboard Jesus.

I often engage Him in religious debates, but lately I've resorted to asking Him all of my religious questions. Tonight, I asked Dashboard Jesus a question, a question so profound and perplexing that it has stumped me for many a year:

Did Adam and Eve have belly buttons?

Dashboard Jesus remains mum on the issue.

Sunday, October 24, 2010

Long Distance Relationships ...

are hard.


Even harder, when your loved one falls asleep during your Skype session!

Basically, I'm forcing my niece and my sister to Skype weekly with me. Since I live so far away, I'm really worried that E won't know me. I don't want to be the scary Aunt from Ohio! I'm the cool one, remember? So, until I can move closer, Skype will have to do!


But, E is over it. She gets bored and then falls asleep.



Then, she poops her pants and sleeps some more ...

Dang girl! Sleep at night, stay awake for Auntie!!!!!!!!!!!!! 

Friday, October 22, 2010

Jack-O-Awesome!


Tonight I had myself a little pumpkin-carving party ... of which, I was the only one in attendance.



But whatever. Give me some wine, a big knife, a good pattern and a garbage bag and I'm ready to massacre some punkins!



Don't be frightened by my mad pumpkin-carving skills.

This masterpiece was handcrafted by me and only me.

Don't even try to deny it's awesomeness!

Do you recognize my Man-O-Lantern yet?

If not, you betta axe somebody!

Wednesday, October 20, 2010

Just Your Average Conversation

Mason: So, me and this guy Jerry were comparing our boxers in the hallway before class. He thought his were cuter, but I said there's no way in hell.

Me: You what? You compared your boxers?

Mason: Yeah ............ Why?  .................. NO! Not like underwear! Like our dogs!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Boxers = dogs!

Me: Surrreeeeeee. Wonder how many people heard your "My boxers are cuter than yours" convo?

AWK-WARD.

Monday, October 18, 2010

Just Did It!


I probably should have blogged yesterday after the marathon, to give y'all the details on the race, but I was so friggin' sore and tired that I just couldn't do it. I'm back home in Ohio now - still sore and tired - but ready to blog!!!!

On Sunday morning, we left for the race at 5am. It was early and cold and I was like "Oh hell no. This is not good!" Luckily, though, I had my big girl panties on so I toughened up pretty quickly and was rarin' to go! We made it to San Francisco just before 6am and were at the start line in plenty of time. There were TONS of people there ... over 20,000 women participated in the race! The marathon started at 7am, but there were so many people there that we didn't end up crossing the start line until like 7:23am ...

Once we finally started moving it was all good. The first couple of miles were easy and I started to get over confident about my amazing half marathon abilities ... until ... I hit the hills. They were KILLER!!!!!!!!!!!!!! The first couple weren't bad, but then we started to hit hills that seemed to go up FOREVER. I was still managing pretty well, though, until I hit mile 8. For whatever reason, mile 8 sucked balls. I started to get tired and my feet were really hurting, but I pushed on! By mile 10, I was really hating life. It had been raining for quite a while by this point and my backpack thingy broke so I was carrying that and holding the extra weight was not fun. My feet also felt like they were completely covered in blisters. And ... the hills! Every time I saw a hill I was like "Seriously go f&*! off. I'm done with you!"

Butttttttttt, I finished it.

I finished the half marathon in 3 hours 12 minutes and 24 seconds ...

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I was totally psyched!

That was my personal best. The Monday before the race I walked 12 miles in 3 hours and 20 minutes, so my goal for the race was just to get it done in 4 hours. I figured the hills would slow me wayyyyy down ...

But, they didn't!

I kicked ass.

I'm totally happy with myself. (And, I only ended up with 2 blisters!)

I'm not even gonna talk about what happened after the race, because I'm still traumatized by it. Basically, after walking 13.1 miles we were forced to walk another 3 miles just to get to the bus to take us back to the start line and then the bus dropped us off AT A HILL where we then had to walk like another mile back to the car. It was still raining and I was cold and wet and my muscles were so stiff and sore that I literally hobbled ... it was awful! (To the women that did the full marathon, I can't even imagine how you must have felt ... YOU ARE AWESOME!)

It was all good though ... Look at my cool new necklace that I got for completing the race!!!!!  (I also got a cool Nike bag and a dri-fit shirt ... but they're just not as blog worthy as my new necklace.)


Totally sweet.

All in all, it was a great half marathon and a great trip. I got to see all the cool sights that San Fran has to offer ... Tiffany was even nice enough to take me all the way to San Quentin just so I could see the prison! Come on, how can someone take a trip to Cali and not want to see the massiveness that is San Quentin?


It rocked.

I can't wait to do it all over again!