Wednesday, September 30, 2009

Forgive me, Father ... (APAD)

The 10th picture in "A Picture A Day" series.




That's Mason and his new iphone. Isn't it beautiful? Unfortunately for me, his phone was ready for an upgrade and mine wasn't. I didn't want to pay the "regular" price so I am without this rectangular-thing-of-loveliness until May 2010. Booo.

I am so envious. So very, very envious. I can't help it! I want an iphone so badly and now I have to live in the same house as an iphone user! UGH! I know it's wrong of me to slighly hate Mason for his iphone, but sadly I do. Ok, ok. I don't hate him ... I am just so FREAKIN' JEALOUS of him I could scream!!!!!!!


Since Envy is one of the 7 deadly sins, I decided to google what I have to look forward to in HELL! According to http://www.wikipedia.com/, I will be sent to Purgatory where my "eyes will be sewn shut with wire." YIKES! I love Catholicism for its freaky ways, but I definitely don't want my eyes sewn shut. So now I'm burning the Saint Jude candle hoping that the "saint of desperate cases" will help me avoid this awful demise.


Tuesday, September 29, 2009

Disturbia (APAD)

The 9th picture in "A Picture A Day" series.



A couple of weeks ago, I went through a moment of pure insanity ... I actually bought, yes bought, Kevin Federline's no-hit wonder, Popozao. I have no explanation for why I did it; I'm pretty sure I even blacked out for several moments during the purchase. The only thing I remember was sitting alone at my computer and watching it download and laughing hysterically at what I had just done. I had a few moments of regret and embarassment, because, well, I just spent 99 cents on POPOZAO! I mean, come on. I'm probably the only person, besides Kevin Federline that has ever PAID for this song! Ugh.

But, the really embarassing part is this ... Today as I was working out and listening to my ipod, I realized that, in fact, I know EVERY SINGLE WORD to Popozao. And, the really humiliating part is that -(GULP)- part of me (a very small part mind you) likes this song. Dammit, I said it. I freakin' like Popozao. WTH is wrong with me?????

If you've never heard Popozao, you can watch the "music video" here. I'm telling you, you'll LYAO!

Monday, September 28, 2009

Far Too Long ... (APAD)

The 8th picture in "A Picture A Day" series.



This is me and my BFF, Tiffany. Well, actually, it's me and my laptop with her Facebook page pulled up. We haven't seen each other in SEVEN YEARS!! If it wasn't for Myspace, Facebook, and Twitter, I would have no idea what she looks like now! Man, seven years is just wayyyy too long.

When she first moved from Minnesota back to Cali in '02, we lost touch for awhile. I'm actually gonna say we went a couple of years maybe, before we started talking again on a regular basis. Even when we both lived in Minnesota, we went through a couple of periods where we didn't talk. It's not like we were mad at each other or anything, it was more like we were just living our lives and going about our business, but doing so separately. Tiffany and I, though, are the kind of friends that can go years without talking and then when we reconnect it's like we just pick up where we left off. I love having a friend like that! No weirdness, no bad feelings, no "Why didn't you call me?" kinda crap, it's just all so cool. Now, we pretty much talk, I mean text, everyday :) Thank God, for the invention and accessibility of the internet, social networking sites, cell phones, and texting, because if I actually had to a write a friggin' letter by hand and snail mail it ... Well, um, let's just say I would probably have no idea if Tiffany was dead or alive!

So, anyway, I'm really missing my BFF today and I'm hoping another 7 years doesn't go by before I see her again ...

Alright, enough of the sappy stuff ... I'm gonna go wrangle a bull or, ah, shoot guns or do something else tough and (wo)MANLY 'cause sweet and sappy is just so not me.

Netflix Thief


I'm pretty sure I work with a Netflix thief. It all started several months ago, when I would mail my Netflix DVD's out from work. Now, at work, it's not an actual mailbox that I'm putting them into, but rather it's just a box for outgoing mail and then someone puts it in with all of the other mail and takes it to the post office. Everyone has access to this. So anyway, I would put movies in the work mail and it would take like 3 weeks for the movie to be received by Netflix. ARGHH! Very frustrating. At first, I just thought this was a Netflix problem and someone in their Receiving Department was totally slacking. But then, one day, I decided to put my Netflix movie in a regular ol' mailbox because I had to stop at the post office anyway. Well .... Netflix received it THE NEXT DAY! YAY! I thought to myself, "Netflix fired the lazy dude!" HOORAY! So, once again, I went about my usual routine of putting my movies in the work mail. Well, I bet you can guess what happened ... Yep. It started taking WEEKS for my movies to be received. I finally started getting suspicious and came to the conclusion that an Operation Netflix was in order. So, I began to alternate the location my movies were mailed out from to assess time differences in their receipt by Netflix: One goes straight to an official post office mailbox and the other goes through work mail. Well, the official mailbox movie gets received in a day, the work mailbox movie ... takes FREAKIN' weeks! Then I think to myself, "Hmmmm, if there really is a thief then they will probably be picky about what they watch." For instance, no one is going to steal a DVD that is disc 3 from Season 4 of Nip/Tuck, because it wouldn't make any sense ... They'd have to rent 3 1/2 seasons of N/T just to catch up to the DVD they stole from me. Too much time! So, I test this theory out. I send out two DVDs at the same time from the work mail: One is the movie "Milk" and the other is disc 3 of Mad Men Season 1. Guess what? YEPPERS. Mad Men is received immediately. Milk, on the other hand, well that sucker took 2 full weeks to get back to Netflix.

Mother-effer. Suspicions confirmed. I work with a Netflix thief.

I don't know who this person is, but I pretty much hate them. I really don't care that they steal my movies so that they can watch them, but I'd really appreciate a little friggin' courtesy and have them returned in a timely manner! Watch the movie the night you steal it and then return it the next day in the mail. DUH! I never would have caught on to your little operation if my movies were only taking 2 days to get to Netflix versus 2 weeks!


Sunday, September 27, 2009

Power-Saw to the People! (APAD)

The 7th picture in "A Picture A Day" series.




The knives represent my favorite serial killer, Dexter. Series premiere is tonight and I can't wait!!


If you've never seen Dexter you really have to rent the first seasons. Soooooo good.


That's all I have to say today, so have a good one and I'll see ya tomorrow.

Copier or Crapier? (APAD)

The 6th picture in "A Picture A Day" series.




Copy machines are the bane of my existence. I think they are supposed to make your life more convenient, but today they made my life more inconvenient and seriously pissed me off!


Unfortunately, I had to work today to facilitate an all-day training. Yuck. I had a TON of copies to make that, of course, had to be made right that freakin' second. No biggie, I thought. Just walk upstairs and get those copies 'a copying. Um, yeah. Not how it worked out. The first copy/crappy machine I used allowed me to copy about 2 things before it said:




I hate paper jams! Super annoying. I tried to continue copying, but found that I could literally only make two copies before the thing would jam. I spent about an hour doing this before I was to the point of seriously destroying that machine!

So, I went to another copy machine in another building and began making my copies. I had a few minor paper jams at the beginning, but then I got that cleared up and things were going fine. I was about halfway through my copies when I saw this:




Freakin' toner! Arghhh. I looked for the toner, but couldn't find it and I really did not want to dig around in our secretary's desk too much because that would seriously piss me off if someone did that to me. So, I took all the copies and the papers yet to be copied downstairs to yet another copy machine. I made one set of copies and was begin to start another round of copying when I noticed this:




OH. MY. GOD. No freakin' way!? Now I'm really irritated, because this is just ridiculous. Three different copy/crappy machines are gonna do this to me in the same day! And, of course, I'm there by myself so it's not like I can run and cry/beg for someone to help me ... Thankfully, I was able to squeeze enough toner out of the last copy/crappy machine to finish my copies. I also resisted the temptation to throw a major fit that would have most definitely resulted in the destruction of the evil machines. Thank God. I also learned two important lessons from this irritating experience:


(1) Copy machines suck.


(2) I am lost without my secretary. She's the best!


The M.F. End

Friday, September 25, 2009

Cure All (APAD)

The 5th picture in a "A Picture A Day" series.




About half way through my day today I started feeling like total crap. Ugh. I also have to work this whole weekend, so it is not a good time to get sick. Luckily, I have a cure-all remedy: garlic, honey, and hot water combined to make a lovely tea. Sound gross? Yeah, probably not something I'd choose to drink on a daily basis, but I'm telling you it works! I'll drink two cups of this tonight and I guarantee I will feel better by the morning. If you google this, you'll see I'm not the only one who is a believer in the power of garlic and honey!!



Bottoms up!

Thursday, September 24, 2009

Good Food/Lazy Cook (APAD)

The 4th picture in "A Picture A Day" series.



I love crockpot cooking! It's great for people who are lazy, like me, but don't want to eat fast food every night. I use my crockpot weekly, but this week I have used it almost daily since I knew my evenings were going to be kind of crazy. So far this week, we have had: Crockpot Chicken, Gravy & Stuffing, Crockpot Lasagna, Crockpot Chicken Posole, Crockpot Beef Stew.

And, we've had homebaked bread twice thanks to my bread machine!



I freakin' love technology that makes my life more convenient. I'm all for anything that aids in my laziness!

Wednesday, September 23, 2009

Cultivating Creativity (APAD)

The 3rd picture in "A Picture A Day" series.




This is me - yes, I already know I'm looking good, but thanks for thinking it anyway - and my toothbrush. I took this picture because, probably about a month ago, I read that brushing your teeth with your non-dominant hand uses a different part of your brain and can help with creativity. So, ever since I've been brushing my teeth with my left hand since I'm a right-hander. Let me just tell you, it's really freakin' hard at first!

Tuesday, September 22, 2009

Tweevils

So, yesterday I was trying to be cool and add new gadgets to my blog. I thought the Twitter gadget would be especially neat since Twitter is hot right now and it automatically feeds your tweets to your blog ... pretty cool, yes? At first it was working fine and it uploaded my tweets of random nonsense like:

Another day has come and gone for me. 'Nite twitterverse! from web

@TiffanyLovesUFC LOL! You're right ... Maybe seeing him in a suit changed me from TweetDeck in reply to TiffanyLovesUFC

@ChuckLiddell You were AWESOME! I'm defnitely voting for you :) from web

@TiffanyLovesUFC I'm looking him up! I can't believe I've lived this long without him in my life!!!!!!!!! from TweetDeck in reply to TiffanyLovesUFC

@TiffanyLovesUFC I feel for ya ... I get really crabby when I'm hungry. I have a new crush on Chuck L ... he's lookin' good!! from TweetDeck in reply to TiffanyLovesUFC

But then, I woke up this morning, went on to my blog and noticed that all Twitter-Hell had broken loose. There were tweevils (aka "evil tweets") showing up on the feed! This is the first tweevil I saw:

Retarded people suck balls.

WTF!? I didn't write that!!!!!!!! I like retarded people, um, oops ... I mean, developmentally disabled people. I would never say something like that!! And then I continue reading and I see this:

2 babies. 1 train. 2 retarded sets of parents. both kids are crying.

And, then this:

Dude, your on a train. QUIT MAKING SO MUCH FUCKING NOISE EATING YOUR SHITTY FOOD ...

Ok, these are totally not my tweets! I panicked and thought someone had hacked my Twitter account, so I quickly checked and no, my account was normal. WTF happened? I have no idea who this is or why their tweevils are showing up on my blog! So, needless to say, I deleted the cool Twitter gadget and was forced to add a lame "Follow me on Twitter @marspisces" into the About Me section of my profile. Booo.

And, yes, I'm pathetic enough to ask, no, BEG, people to follow me on Twitter .... So, follow me? Please!? Twitter @marspisces. Follow Tiffany too @TiffanyLovesUFC.

Too Many At Once (APAD)

The 2nd picture in "A Picture A Day" series



These are all the books I'm currently reading. I start one, then another, and another, and another .... Really bad habit of mine.

Monday, September 21, 2009

Crazy People Make My Day

I have a crazy woman that calls me at work, every few months, to ask me various questions. Our first conversation came shortly after I started my job, which was about 2 1/2 years ago. She called to inquire about becoming licensed in an area that, let me just say, requires a huge time commitment, lots of hoop-jumping, and a major stipulation that you can't be a certifiable crazy person! At first I didn't totally realize she was crazy and I was new so I was trying to do a superb job of answering her questions. I explained the entire process to her and even took the time to go over every little detail. I had probably been on the phone with her for a good half-an-hour when our conversation takes a major turn for the worse:

Crazy Lady: Um, you see, my husband he's, ah, real sick. See, one time he pretended to be an undercover cop.

Me: Ahhhh, ohhh -

Crazy Lady: And, he wears an coloscopy bag ...

Me: Wow. (WTH do I say to that?)

Crazy Lady: We have nurses coming in everyday.

Me: Yeah, ok, well now's probably not the right time to move forward with this because, well, um - We can require psychological evaluations!

I hurried to get off the phone with Crazy Lady. I was certain that would be my last phone call from her, because the true crazies usually don't follow through with the licensure. Yeah, wishful thinking on my part! Sure enough, a few months later she called again to tell me that she was going to build on to her one-bedroom apartment, since she needed at least a two-bedroom for the type of license she wants. Um, HELLO CRAZY LADY ... I'm pretty sure apartment buildings don't allow you to build additions!!!!!! But, what WTH do I know anyway! So, another few months went by until she called again ...

Here's the latest conversation:

(phone rings)

Me: Hi, this is Danielle

Crazy Lady: Hi, honey it's Crazy Lady.

Me: Oh, hi. How's it going? (trying not to sound frustrated, because I'm wasting my time talking to you!)

Crazy Lady: Well, I think you're gonna be real proud of me.

Me: Oh, really? (slight dread in voice, hoping that she wasn't going to tell me that she completed the classes).

Crazy Lady: Yep, I'm, uh, finishing my high school diploma.

Me: (Obvious relief) Wow, good for you!

Crazy Lady: Yeah, but I also know you're gonna be real sad in a minute.

Me: Uh, oh. What's wrong?

Crazy Lady: I just found out I have diabetes.

Me: Oh, I'm sorry to hear that. Are you doing OK? (Wondering WTH she thinks I care!!)

Crazy Lady: Oh, yeah, I'm fine. Just thought I'd call and tell you.

Me: Ok, well thanks. Take care of yourself. (Ummmm, WTF?)

Crazy Lady: Yep, I will. I'll call you when I move out of the one-bedroom.

Me: Sounds good. Have a good da-

Crazy Lady: Wait! I thought of my question.

Me: Ok.

Crazy Lady: Can you come out to my apartment and teach me the classes, because my husband can't move?

Me: No. It doesn't work like that.

Crazy Lady: Oh, that's too bad.

Me: Yea ...

Crazy Lady: Bye, honey.

Me: Bye.


I am certain she is one of those people that calls a bunch of social service and crisis hotlines "just to talk." I mean, she called to tell me she is getting a GED and has diabetes (two things totally unrelated to anything I do at work!), so she must think she has found a "friend" in me or, at the very least, someone who listens .... (SIGH). Well, now I'm kinda feeling guilty that I get annoyed with her. Poor crazy lady.

Until I hear from her again ....

A Picture A Day (APAD)

So, as you know, I've been lacking in my ability to update my blog regularly. I can't blame it on anything other than pure laziness. I'll think to myself "Oh, that would be a great blog." But, then I think about the 10 foot walk to the computer and that I would actually have to sit down to type it and soon my thoughts are "Nah, too much work!" This is why I was so excited when, Tiffany, texted me her genius blog idea last night! She came up with posting "A Picture A Day" followed by a really brief description. The picture can be about anything - no matter how cool or stupid it might be! My attention span which usually lasts about 2 minutes can totally handle this project :)

Here is my first picture:




Hard to see, I know. I took it with my camera phone in the drive thru at a local convenience store, which I'll call the Seedy Mart. The top little bubble-thingy says, ""You" must come in for tootsie rolls. Thanks!" I've always imagined an infamous tootsie roll hoarder coming through the drive thru demanding 1,000 tootsie rolls and the poor employees struggling to count them out fast enough ...

Peace 'til tomorrow.