Monday, November 10, 2008

What did you just say?

I am not a good singer at all. In fact, I'm absolutely horrible. But, this doesn't stop me from singing, especially in the car! Unfortunately for Mason, he's the one that drives with me the most so he gets to listen to me sing A LOT. When I start singing, Mason will usually give me a long sigh followed by a really whiney, "NO!" and then he always ends by saying, "What did you just say?" One of the many problems I have when it comes to singing, is that unless it's a relatively easy song to learn, I rarely memorize the words of an entire song. I usually just memorize the chorus, maybe a few other verses, and mumble the rest. This drives Mason crazy!

Let me give you an example. I used to hate the song Ridin' Dirty by Chamillionaire, because, well, it's not very good. I also really hated the artist's name, Chamillionaire. But, then one day, quite awhile ago, I was watching the news and they kept talking about a press conference at the White House that was interrupted by reporter Martha Raddatz's cell phone ringtone of Ridin' Dirty. I thought that was really hilarious. The song ended up growing on me a little bit and when I would hear it on the radio instead of changing the channel like I used to do I started turning up the volume. Aside from hating the song, the problem Mason has is that I do not know the words to it. I am really strong on the chorus, mumble most of the rapping in between, but will occasionally shout out an actual word to the song. So, it ends up going something like this:

"They see me rollin', they hatin', patrollin' they tryin' to catch me ridin' dirty ... (a long reptition of "Tryin' to catch me ridin' dirty" is here) ... My music's so loud, I'm swingin', they hopin' that they gonna catch me ridin' dirty... (a whole bunch more of "Ridin' Dirty" here as well) .. tryintoseedeepleamwhenidknowknowseemerideridedecks leamriderideleamdeck TV SCREEN ridfernewchick HOLD UP nextoda PLAYSTATION CONTROLLA ..."

You can see why Mason hates me singing. It gets worse, though. I also have a problem of confusing the words to songs. I think I hear the words a certain way, so that's the way I end up singing them. However, they end up being very, very wrong. Here are just a few of my recent mess ups:

I swore the words to this song were, SECRET ASIAN MAN!!! SECRET ASIAN MAN!!!," until Mason told me Johnny Rivers was actually saying, "Secret Agent Man."


Mason particularly LOOOVED it when I butchered Randy Travis's song, If I didn't have you. I really thought he was saying "floundering around LIKE A CHIMPANZEE." Oops! It really is "ship at sea." This song makes a lot more sense to me now that I know the real words.


Could've bet my life that the Rolling Stones were singing, "YOUR FEETS A BURNIN" instead of the actual lyrics of "Beast of Burden:"


I honestly think this problem runs in my family. When my brother and sister and I were younger, we were dedicated followers of the Dick Van Dyke Show reruns on Nick at Nite. I think we saw every episode at least 4 or 5 times. If you're not familiar with the show it's an old black and white from like the 60's. It follows the life of Rob Petrie, a writer for a comedy show. Well, Rob's boss is this guy named Allen Brady. I don't think he was ever actually pictured on the show. He's kind of like George Costanza's boss at Yankee Stadium or the neighbor, Wilson, from Home Improvement. They end up being semi-prominent characters in the show but you never actually see their faces. So, anyway, one day we were at my cousin's house and he was playing Madonna's song "Holiday" and my brother, who was probably 8 years old at the time started singing along to the chorus. At first, none of us said anything because we couldn't figure out what he was saying and then all of a sudden we were like "WHAT DID YOU JUST SAY?" Are you saying "ALLEN BRADY?" Yes, in place of the actual chorus of "Celebrate" and "Holiday" my brother was singing "Allen Brady" ... "Allen Brady" ... since it is so likely that Madonna would write a song about Rob Petrie's boss!

"Allen Brady! Allen Brady! Allen Brady!"

Now for the final example of my butchery of the English language. My argument with this song is that there is no way possible that you could learn the actual words to this. The one hit wonder, Informer by Snow, is a song that I consider to have mastered. I understand that I have made up jibberish to it, but, seriously, that's the only way you can sing this. No one, I mean no one, is able to sing the REAL words to this. Totally impossible! Nevertheless, Mason hates my version of Informer. Well, I should say that he hates the song period, but he hates my version more than the original ...



The Brittster said...

I have no words for how much I LOVE this blog....I can't stop laughing!!

Derek said...

Masons a Hater!! Us Fagens Become the song and sing it as we feel it!. Im proud of you sis keep on' keep on'

Danielle and Mason said...

No Derek, I'm a sufferer!

Temple said...

I was already giggling and then the 10 Inches of Snow flashback from "informer" had me rolling! I am also guilty of the "wrong word" singing. Back in college I used to LOVE to sing (very loudly) in my car to "I scream my balls off!!!" until one day one of my dear friends who was subjected to my car-performances just died laughing and said "What did you say?' It was the that I learned that Gwen Stefani was actually saying she screens her phone calls...walking in a spider's, oops!

Sissytits McGraw said...

I think that those really are the words to Informer, and who the fuck is temple?

Tiffany said...

You're so gangster. I always thought that Informer song says, "I lick your boom boom down." And I'm not really sure what that means, but it sounds dirty. No, I'm not saying that what it says, that is simply my translation of the song too.

I don't know the words to any Mike Jones songs except when he says, "WHO? MIKE JONES! WHO? MIKE JONES!"

Or Janet Jackson's If: Sitting over here looking in your face with duh duh duh duh and i don't give a damn...dun dun dun dun dun in many fantasy!" WTF is she saying?

Temple said...

Just a friendly reader...

Tiffany said...

Sissy tits McGraw!! Be nice. And umm...why don't you have a blog? And why aren't you following mine?

Temple said...

Ah, the La Princessa character...let's just say that is our anonymous codename for a certain co-worker/boss of mine. And the stories I could tell... I'm sure you'll hear more about her :) 1. I'm intrigued by this La Princessa character.

And, I have 2 dogs..Lola the WonderCorgi and Roscoe the Jagdterrier puppy-in-training. They are my little furry children!

I'm bout 1/2 way through Lonely Werewolf Girl and it is awesome. I love all that cheesy supernatural stuff! And I haven't actually watched the TrueBlood series on HBO, although I get TONS of comments about it, because...well, that is my last name :) weird, huh?

Brooke said...

This is a frequent problem in our car too. Only Dirk can't seem to figure out any words! I am constantly telling him what the real words are. It's very enlightening for him. Here we thought it was the whole, English as a second language thing.

Vanessa Rogers said...

We should totally be friends in real life. Evidence 1) I never ever know the real words to songs either and make them up all the time. 2) I LOVED Nick at Night: the Dick Van Dyke Show, I Dream of Jeannie, Bewitched and Get Smart were my favs!

Temple said...

Thanks for the moral support over Captain Left Eye...your comment yesterday made me stop obsessively worrying for like at least 20 minutes :)

Danielle and Mason said...

Brooke: HAHA! Nope, it's not the English as a second language thing. I think some of us are just afflicted with a "disorder" in the music area :-)

Vanessa: We should definitely be real life friends :-) I was an avid fan of Get Smart too (have you seen the movie) ... as well as Dragnet, I Love Lucy, and the Mary Tyler Moore Show.

Temple: Your last name is TrueBlood??? How cool! If you ever do watch the show I would suggest reading the book series first it's called "The Southern Vampire Series."

Is your dog doing any better? My dog, Madge, was in pain for a couple of days until her eye started looking better.