Actually, I think the full line is "By the pricking of my thumbs, something wicked this way comes." Shakespeare wrote it. Fabulous isn't it? I love that line.
I bought a Halloween card the other day at Walmart with that phrase on it. It was really cool. The entire front of the card was black and white with a spooky haunted house and cemetary. The only thing that was in color were these orange pumpkins that sat outside of the cemetary. At the very top was the line, "Something wicked this way comes." On the inside it said, "Have yourself a creepy little Halloween."
I'm not totally sure what the meaning of the line was supposed to be in Shakespeare. I think it was said by one of the witches in Macbeth, but I can't remember. The way it's written, however, seems to suggest some kind of impending doom. I guess it was fitting, because little did I know that after picking out that card, I was going to have a horrible Walmart experience.
I should back up a little bit ... Normally, I leave my house to go grocery shopping every Saturday morning at 8:45am. My routine is that I head to Aldi first, which opens at 9am, and then I finish my shopping at Walmart. My goal is always to be done no later than 10am or 10:15am, which I almost always accomplish. My reasoning for this is that after 10am, it gets hellish. I mean CRAZY, HORRIBLE, Walmart HELL! The store starts to fill up, the lines get long, and there are people EVERYWHERE. For me, Walmart after 10am is kind of like what would happen to Cinderella at midnight - her dress would turn to rags, the horses to mice, the coach to a pumpkin - but in my case, my blood pressure rises, I get a pounding headache, I begin to stare daggers into anyone I see, my hands get a slight tremor in them, I sweat, I feel like I could turn homicidal at any moment ... yeah, you get the picture. I absolutely cannot handle Walmart after 10am.
So, I'm not sure what I've been thinking these past couple of weeks when I've attempted to go grocery shopping on Friday's. The Friday before last I decided to go grocery shopping at around 7pm. Bad idea. It was crowded and there were only like 2 lanes open so the lines were extremely long. That's another Walmart complaint I have: Why do they have like 30 checkout lanes but only a maximum of 6 lanes are ever open at once? I've never understood this. So, anyway, my stress levels rose significantly when I saw how packed the store was. And, the sight of only two lanes open just made my blood boil. But, what made me even more upset was that there was hardly any food! I'm serious. It was like some evil, psychic human being knew what was on my list and came and purchased the entire stock before I arrived at the store. UGH!
Well, then, I had last Friday off of work so I went to the store around 10am with Mason, thinking, "Oh it won't be bad at this time on a Friday." Ha! We get there and it's the same thing: crowded, with only a couple of lanes open. Immediately, I'm in a bad mood. I think back on this experience and I just think, "Poor Mason." Mason is almost always in a good mood or maybe it would be better to say he's always even-keeled. He never really gets angry to the point where he's mean and crabby, no matter what situation he's in.
So, the first thing we do is buy shampoo at the Walmart hair place, because I love their Olive Oil Shampoo. That experience goes relatively smoothly. Next, we go over to look at the cards, because I need to buy one for a friend of mine. I end up getting even more annoyed and frustrated, because I'm trying to pick out a nice, cool card and Mason is showing me all of these stupid ones with fart jokes and other immature crap. He thinks they're hilarious and that my friend would just think it was the funniest card ever. Whatever, Mason. I end up picking out the cool "Something wicked this way comes" card and I'm ready to head to the food aisles and I look over at Mason and he has this stack of fart joke cards and is threatening to buy them and send them to everyone I know. ARGH! I end up just walking away from him. So annoying!
We finally get to grocery shopping and I'm walking around picking up the items we need and crossing them off of the list. I give Mason a few items off of the list and he walks off to go get them. Well, I'm over in the cereal aisle getting poptarts for the boys when Mason comes back with the items we need, but also with an arm full of other junk food that he wants. Now, don't get me wrong, I really don't mind getting extra stuff that's not on the list, but every week I try really hard to stay on budget and I plan every meal we have based off of this budget. Every time Mason goes grocery shopping with me, he always irritates me by getting a million extra things. He will even tell you that he does it just to "torture you." I mean, one time he even got pickled eggs and pigs feet just to be annoying. Those nasty things sat in the fridge for months until I threw them away. Although, at the time, he swore to me that he was going to eat them. Mason also likes to irritate me by pointing to anything and everything and saying, "Look, DVD's for $4! We need to buy some," or "That plasma TV is only $1500. We have to get it," or "We'll just put it on credit ... to help the economy." So, as you can see, I am the holy crab from hell when I try to go grocery shopping with Mason!
Once we finally get everything off of our list, we attempt to find a relatively short line to stand in. Of course, we pick the "short" line where everyone has some sort of a problem where they need a "CSM" to come and take care of it or they are paying with a check and don't even start writing it out until the cashier has finished scanning their million groceries and putting all of the bags in their cart! I hate that! As we're standing in line, Mason says really loudly, "Sweetie why are you so crabby" and "You're reeeeaaaaalllly mad at me, aren't you?" He also does this just to torture me, because he knows that everyone in line will turn to look at the mean, crabby girl who is horrible to her boyfriend. ARGH!
Ok, I know, I know. My stressful Walmart experience, should really be a "stressful" Walmart experience, because in the bigger picture it really shouldn't be anything that I'm stressed out about anyway, and, Mason is just trying to be funny and make the whole experience a little more exciting, I guess, so I really shouldn't get mad and crabby with him. Yet I do. I know all of these things, but I just can't seem to put them into practice. It's like I turn into a different person when I enter the doors of Walmart. That phrase, "Something wicked this way comes," really sums up my Walmart experiences .... especially after 10am on Saturday's, but probably on any given day. Maybe I should change the line to "Something annoying this way comes," because that really is what the problem is .... everything that could possibly annoy me happens at Walmart after 10am. Although, you know, now that I'm thinking about it, maybe me reading that card that day was like a warning that I was the "wicked" in the "something wicked this way comes." That I was the crabby, evil, wicked woman who was going to be mean to everything in her path.
Wow. That realization just changed my perspective on everything. Maybe from now on there will be a kinder, more even-keeled Danielle that can enter Walmart at any time, even if it's after 10am.
Or ... maybe not.
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