Saturday, July 23, 2011

I always wondered about those dumplings!


I can't believe the local Chinese buffet is so blatant about what they're serving! I prefer ignorance about what's really in my food ... Geez.

Wednesday, July 13, 2011

Da Nu Thang



I have 4 things to say about this video:

1. HOLY JESUS!

2. WTF is up with that horrifying looking woman?

3. Christians should not rap. Ever. Never. No. Go away.

4. I think I'll stick to the devil's music ...

Monday, July 11, 2011

How Casey Anthony Ruined Facebook (for me)

Thanks to Casey Anthony, I can barely tolerate going on Facebook anymore. I thought the postings about "WTF is wrong with the justice system," "Those jurors are idiots," or the "If you wanna murder your kid and get away with it, move to Florida" posts would be over within 48 hours of the not guilty verdict. Holy shit, I was wrong!

They're just never-freakin'-ending.

I had no idea so many people on Facebook had their hearts wrapped up in this trial. People were so "shocked" with the verdict ... But why? Did anyone really pay attention to the trial? Did anyone see the prosecution's lack of evidence? Does anyone out there remember that it's not the defense's job to prove innocence, but the prosecution's burden to prove guilt?

Seriously, people.

Just because Casey Anthony had already been tried and convicted by the media, doesn't mean the same result will occur in a courtroom. Thankfully, the jurors reached their verdict based off of what was presented in the courtroom, rather than on Nancy Grace. And, if you ever have to face a jury of your peers, I'll bet you'll hope for the same thing.

Regardless of whether Casey Anthony was acquitted of murder in the eyes of the law, she was guilty 3 years ago in the eyes of the public. She will never lead a normal life. She will probably never lead a good life. She'll be doing porn in a couple of years. After that, she'll end up on Celebrity Rehab with Dr. Drew. Casey Anthony will be living in prison long after she's been released.

So, Facebook friends - Your posts about Casey Anthony irritated me so much that, instead of my usual checking of Facebook 50 times a day, I didn't go on at all yesterday and totally didn't know my BFF's son broke his damn leg .... Casey Anthony is ruining my means of communication with close friends and family and I simply can't take anymore of this!

Friday, July 8, 2011

No you didn't!

Today was a day filled with many minor annoyances, but a huge mother-effin' annoyance happened during my lunch hour. I was driving on the highway back to work when suddenly I see a cop pull up behind me with his lights flashing. I look down at my speed and see that I have my cruise set at barely over 55 miles per hour, so I start thinking that something must be wrong with my car ...

Well, the Super Trooper comes up to my window and says "You late for something, ma'am?"

Me: Um, no. Why?

Super Trooper: You were going pretty fast?

Me: *shocked* I was??? How fast was I going? *thinking perhaps my speedometer is broken*

Super Trooper: How fast do you think you were going?

Me:  Couldn't have been more than 58 ...

Super Trooper: You were going 57.

Me: *super freakin' shocked and annoyed now* REALLY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Super Trooper: You do know that the speed limit is only 55 here?

Me: *trying to contain frustration* Yes, I do.

So then, the Super Trooper goes back to his car to run my plates and probably play a game of Angry Birds ... Meanwhile, I am fuming. I seriously just got pulled over for going 2 mother-freakin' miles over the speed limit! COME ON!

The Super Trooper comes back ... "Ma'am I'm giving you a Traffic Safety Warning this time. Please slow down in the future."

Me: *trying not to rolls eyes* Yeah, thanks.

It took me 8 years to figure out why everyone around here drives 5 miles under the speed limit. Now I understand.

Wednesday, July 6, 2011

Greek Mold-urt.


Dear Athenos Greek Yogurt,

As I opened your strained nonfat honey yogurt this afternoon, which is usually filled with deliciousness, I was extremely horrified to find a large spot of blue/green mold growing on it. The expiration date wasn't even until July 25.

WTF.

I'm terribly disappointed, because I was extremely hungry and that was the only afternoon snack I had brought with me to work today. Basically, my body went in to starvation mode and I was so weak and lightheaded that I was unable to perform even the most basic tasks of my job.

You owe me $1 for the yogurt.

I hope this never happens again.

Thank you,
Danielle

Tuesday, July 5, 2011

5ifth of July

Well hello there.

I've been gone awhile haven't I?

I can tell you that nothing exciting has happened in my life in the one week and a day that I've been absent from blogger. Well, I guess that's not entirely true. I have been having 'staredowns' with Lady Dog-Whipped almost daily. After she threatened me, I didn't see her for a looooonnnngggg time. But, this past week she's been back to her usual business of letting her dog walk her through my yard. I really want to freak out on her, but I think that's what she wants. I'm fairly positive by the way she acts towards me that she's trying to annoy me as much as humanly possible. I can't decide what to do. So, I just stare at her. Oh - I did talk to her yesterday when I commented on how her outfit. She was all sexxed up in a white cowboy hat with silver sequin stuff on on the rim, a white tank top, and white shorty shorts. I'm guessing Lady Dog-Whipped is late 40's and most likely single. I think she uses the dog walking as a technique to land her a hot Chauncelot man. So, in my nicest voice possible I told her, "I just love your outfit." *rolling my eyes* She didn't respond.

I wish Albert was around. I would so much rather be tortured by him than her!

Monday, June 27, 2011

Trollin' at Fairy Fest

My life is complete. This past weekend I was a troll for about 4 hours. I can die happy now!

We've never looked hotter than as trolls.
Each year, in a neighboring town, a Fairy Fest occurs. Even though I participated this year, I'm still not exactly sure what it is. All I know is that I was a troll, there were a bunch of people dressed up as fairies, and there was a fairy queen, who you could have tea with. The kids got a treasure map and could look for loot at various points. You could also get henna done, your face-painted, and even have your picture taken with this creepy Jack Sparrow wanna-be.
Still rockin' our sexiness.
My job as a troll entailed nothing more than standing by a bridge and scaring little kids. Yesssss! The BFF rocked it. She's got this English, witchy voice that she uses when telling kids she will eat them. There were at least 20 kids that were truly scared ... a handful of them cried. Hells yes!!
The Fairy Dogmother

This is NOT the Jack Sparrow wanna-be.
All in all, I enjoyed being a troll. I didn't think I would, but once I put on my troll costume, I realized I looked good. Really good ... I would totally be a troll again.